So good news on the girly part front (TMI, clearly labled TMI)

I got a referral from my doctor yesterday. I love her!

So I get to go see a gynecologist, to see why in the hell I'm bleeding 3x in a month and a half. On March 15th at 2:30. I'm probably waiting, because I specifically asked for a female doctor. I've never had a guy give me a full exam (except when I first went into labor, one of the men was on duty, but as I was having strong contractions every 3 minutes, I would've let Charles Manson give me an exam as long as he had the power of Epidural).

So...for the first time in my life, I'm actually looking forward to having an exam (and maybe a pap) to see why the hell my uterus hates me sooo much?

Sleep seems to be eluding me tonight

Ah, hypomania. Welcome back, homegirl. And Aunt Flo's staying for an extended visit. The cousins have also come bearing gifts. Crampy has been a particular joy this time around. OMG, give me a heated spoon and I'll remove the ovaries myself. Heated. Spoon. Moody and Bitchy have been making their appearance, egged on by homegirl mania. Luckily, Weepy is nowhere in sight. I tell you, I can be a bitch when I'm in a normal mood, but at least I feel bad about it. When I'm hypomanic, (or, God forbid, manic) I'm not just a bitch, I'm an unrepentant bitch. Add Aunt Flo to the mix and you'll have to thank my high functioning frontal lobe for the fact that there is no streets running with the blood of the innocent in sleepy Columbus, IN. Weepy will show up later, after the crash, and bring her twin brother Guilt.

I'm not feeling quite human right now. Thankfully, I don't see the insanity lasting for much longer than a day or two. I hope.

And now I'm kind of backish.

A few days ago I just got out of the hospital. AGAIN.

UTI. AGAIN.

I'm seriously getting over seeing the inside of a fucking hospital room. And I'm still not feeling great. Hence, the rant below. I'm feeling extremely weak, and am currently riding the red river with Auntie Flo.

The next idiot who crosses my path will die a death of 1,000 stomps to their stupid face.

Aaaaand if having a UTI and Aunt Flo's lovely visit isn't enough......it's looking like Homegirl Mania's here to hang out.

Oh boy.

I just hope the crash doesn't come before Sunday, damnit. I have a 6 year anniversary coming up!

In other news...I'm kind of making an experimental rant journal. Not too sure how much I'll use it. Especially since I can't code Blogger layout to save my ass. It's called BitchPuppy.

And now, finally, back to the show!

Fuck, I haven't written in this thing in forever!

One of the fucked up things about staying at home all day...pretty much every day, is that I get tired of the god damned phone. I think it's because of my ex-husband. Now he's not the typical asshole stalker kind of ex. He's a great guy. He pays his child support every month. He is a loving and involved father who takes his daughter to school every day. I will always care about him as a person and as the father of my Boo. But he does tend to call a lot. A lot. I mean in upwards of 5x/day sometimes. It's like, I love ya man, but dude, that's way too fucking much! No wonder the phone rings and I'm like, "Fuck!" before I even know who's calling just because I'm tired of the phone ringing.

Boo is in first grade now. First. Grade. My baby girl, in first grade. It doesn't seem possible. I miss her so much during the day. It's quite an adjustment for her too, but I think she'll end up enjoying herself. She comes home tired.

Aunt Flo's back 5 FUCKING DAYS EARLY and she brought Crampy, Moody, and Bitchy. Hopefully Weepy will stay the fuck home. That's all I fuckin need. And hopefully I'll be done by the end of the week. Because I need sex. And I can't get it because the Red Sea flows from my vagina and my uterus feels like it wants to cave in on itself. I got a knockout cramp from my ovary this month that had me doubled over. It only lasted about 5 seconds, but wow. For the first couple of days I could've gladly heated a spoon with a lighter and scooped out my girly organs myself if I thought the pain would go away.

Going to see my 2 best friends this weekend. And there will be cheesecake! Seeing as I'm flowing, I can't get laid this week. And her cheesecake is as good as. Seriously. It's sex on a plate. I want it. Now. I don't even care what kind she makes. I just want it.

I would like to stab out my uterus with a dull spoon.

The red tide is a week early.

A WEEK EARLY!

Along with Aunt Flo, comes the cousins Bitchy, Crampy, Moody and Weepy. Uncle Bloaty doesn't come too often, but he's here this month. Just to add to the fun.

What's the point of me even HAVING a period? After Boo was born, I got the band aid operation. I can no longer spawn. I guess since I still have a working system, my stupid uterus still thinks, "Hey, gotta prepare to have a baby once a fucking month!"

Why is it once a month? Isn't that a little overkill? So Eve told Adam to eat the damn apple. For that, we get horrible pain in childbirth (thank you, science, for epidurals!) and to bleed out our cootchy once a month and "the man shall be your lord and master". For a week at a fucking time. Adam got...toil and work all day in the fields where thorns and briars pricked him (only to come home for his wife to slave over him every night you know, the Lord and Master thing, then he gets to prick her...) What a bunghole!

And don't get me started on the snake. The snake got off pretty damn easy. He lost his limbs. I'd make a bargain with God that if he would take my period away I'd cut off my arms and legs myself.

My cramps are so fucking bad this month. My mood is worse. I'm going to steal a saying from my vegetable killing friend here and say that I wish I could stick the entire human race into a blender.

I so suck at updating the Blogger

Maybe because since around the 15th of the month, I have been in the 3VIL B1TCH MOOD OF DOOM and the fact that I just *had* the red carpet out for Aunt Flo on the 7th so (OMG I HOPE) it has nothing to do with that.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Things are going GOOD right now, damnit!!

Somebody needs to rip my arm off and beat me with it, seriously.

But I have developed a rather large obsession lately with the show "Escape to Chimp Eden" on Animal Planet. Friday nights at 10pm. WATCH IT!



I've ganked this from this article on the animal planet website because seriously, I can't describe the show any better than this.

Deep in the heart of South Africa, the Jane Goodall Institute's Chimp Eden Sanctuary is a place of rebirth and renewal for more than two dozen chimps, most of whom suffered horrible lives in human captivity.

Sanctuary Director Eugene Cussons has traveled throughout Africa at great personal risk to give these chimps the chance of a meaningful and fulfilling life. For Eugene, however, the dream extends beyond the sanctuary itself. He is convinced that through intense hands-on rehabilitation, he can teach these remarkable animals the skills they need to survive in the wild.

The success of his approach is on display at every turn. Chimps who never-before climbed a tree now swing effortlessly from branch to branch, high above the ground. Chimps who once survived on table scraps and garbage now feast on wild figs, crack nutshells with rocks to get to the meat inside and pick through tall grass for the ripest shoots. Chimps who spent years alone and isolated in cramped cages now thrive in solid and stable family groups.

Every day, Eugene moves closer to his ultimate goal — returning the strongest and most skilled chimps back to the rainforest where they belong.

I love this show! It really shows the worst side of human nature, and the best side too. Plus it's so rewarding to get to see these wild animals be who they were meant to be. And I have a slight crush on Eugene Cussons.

I get crushes on the most non-traditional people to get crushes on. People like Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp and pretty much any major Hollywood personality...I don't know. I've never been one to go gaga, so to speak, over people that, to me, really seem to have the personality of a dishmop. People I notice have to have something different. Take another one. Dr. Michio Kaku.

He's a theoretical physicist, co-founder of the string field theory and does a lot of documentary TV shows on the history and science channels. His charisma and energy is amazing.

I LOVE this guy.

See what I mean?

Woo Hoo!

Aunt Flo came today. I think she had a fight with her daughters last night telepathically or something because I started feeling MUCH better since about 10:00pm on. Moody, Bitchy, Weepy AND Crampy left in a huff It was like a huge weight was suddenly lifted off my chest and I could breathe again. T'was a glorious feeling!

And she was considerate enough to wait until about 9:30 this morning to slowly announce her appearance. It really was quite graceful. And as a favor to you, that fanciful description will be the only description that exists.

I'm so happy I want to just go do something tonight or tommorrow night with my boyfriend! We both deserve it.