I would like to stab out my uterus with a dull spoon.

The red tide is a week early.

A WEEK EARLY!

Along with Aunt Flo, comes the cousins Bitchy, Crampy, Moody and Weepy. Uncle Bloaty doesn't come too often, but he's here this month. Just to add to the fun.

What's the point of me even HAVING a period? After Boo was born, I got the band aid operation. I can no longer spawn. I guess since I still have a working system, my stupid uterus still thinks, "Hey, gotta prepare to have a baby once a fucking month!"

Why is it once a month? Isn't that a little overkill? So Eve told Adam to eat the damn apple. For that, we get horrible pain in childbirth (thank you, science, for epidurals!) and to bleed out our cootchy once a month and "the man shall be your lord and master". For a week at a fucking time. Adam got...toil and work all day in the fields where thorns and briars pricked him (only to come home for his wife to slave over him every night you know, the Lord and Master thing, then he gets to prick her...) What a bunghole!

And don't get me started on the snake. The snake got off pretty damn easy. He lost his limbs. I'd make a bargain with God that if he would take my period away I'd cut off my arms and legs myself.

My cramps are so fucking bad this month. My mood is worse. I'm going to steal a saying from my vegetable killing friend here and say that I wish I could stick the entire human race into a blender.