Moving sucks

Even just moving around the corner. Yes, we literally moved around the corner. Not all of our little shit is out of our old place yet.

OMG I've been sick. Like going to the emergency room sick. I've been 3x since Friday morning. Once Friday morning around 7:30am after throwing up all night and having horrible pain, once at around 6pm Saturday night and then 2am Sunday morning. My poor boyfriend's birthday, may I add. I was dehydrated *every* time! It wasn't the nausea that was the problem. I can handle nausea at home. It was the pain. The ungodly, twisting, grinding and sharp pain in my upper abdominal region. Ok, so the first time I go in, Friday morning, I get a shot of Zofran (which my fucking insurance won't cover UNLESS I get it through ER treatment) and Dilaudid (and this shit is...well, let's just say it fucks your shit up.) And I hate it. There's a difference between stoned and outer space, and this shit will send you to outer space. Not the best feeling for someone like me. Hate it. But it works. The relief is so worth it. 5 minutes later and it's like, "ahhhh". Well, I go in Friday morning, get treated, get IV fluids and go home. He tells me to come back if I need to. I'm okay. And here's where I fuck up.

My best friend and her husband come down. They're down here like once in a blue moon, and so we meet at Applebees. I order a steak, and a baked potato. And I eat mozzarella sticks. Not so brilliant for someone who was puking up everything the day before. So I'm back Saturday at 6pm and the doctor, naturally, tells me about it. My best friend took me to the ER this time and I think she got a little offended. But you know what? He was just telling me what I needed to know and what I did know and I told him I knew and should've been more careful. He was treating me like a person, not like a nut. If you have never had a diagnosed chronic mental illness, unless you are unusually empathetic, you will truly not be able to understand what I'm talking about. I respect that. He could've been a prick and said, "suffer," but he was cool and he gave me the Zofran (the brilliant anti nausea medicine, phenergan sucks compared to it) and the Dilaudid.

Okay. 2 in the morning Sunday morning. I'm in again. Dehydrated. In pain. I'm taken in and hooked up to an IV right away. They have some brilliant people in the Columbus ER right now as far as hooking up IV's go. And my veins are horrible! Small, tiny and they love to move. I got the trifecta of fucked up veins. Anyway, this time they get me in and hook me up to a liter of fluids, gave me the Zofran and the Dilaudid right away. The pain is unreal. Seriously unreal. But the Dilaudid took it down to an 8 the last time they asked (10 minutes later). Then the pain started to go down. Way down. I'm halfway asleep and visiting the Andromeda galaxy when all of a sudden I go from 2,500,000 light years away to the moment of the big bang. The nurse had loaded me with what I thought was saline, but it ended up being another Zofran and ANOTHER full dose of Dilaudid. I look at the nurse and go, "Do you know when my uncle's birthday is?" and immediately felt like a tard. It was only 2 1/2 hours later. Holy shit. I was unable to walk out of the ER that night. But I went home, slept, and have been keeping down clear liquids and toast ever since.

I'm still sick. I have some kind of really fucked up stomach bug. It's not the flu, but whatever it is, the fucker is a mean ass virus. Vicious. I'm still having bouts of diarrhea, though I'm able to keep hydrated. I haven't seen my daughter since Thursday morning. But this is a vicious bug and I would not want to see her with it. Holy mother of God.

So the boyfriend's been on his own.

Another reason I've been away? I've had no internet. Fucking comcast has to bring me a USB capable modem, doesn't leave the installation disk for the hardware, go to the local office, they don't support it anymore! I have to buy a $30 USB to Ethernet adaptor. Good thing I know how to bitch, because I got $40 taken off my Comcast bill. So there. NOW I FINALLY HAS INTERNET! May the world rejoice! What an ordeal!

I'm tired of the inside of hospital rooms. Thank God I didn't have to stay...but ER's and hospitals and IV's and hospital beds and pain and sick and dizziness...over it already! Please let me feel better soon!

I'm going to see my Dr. and ask to see a urologist because I think there may be something fucked up with my kidneys or my bladder. Having this pain reoccur every few months...it's not normal. My brain gives me enough issues, my body doesn't need to crap out on me too.

Transforming klutz to a superpower

I have come to the conclusion that walking with boxes in my arms is now beyond the limits of what I can do. First of all I had way too many boxes. I was up the stairs and made a wrong turn and slammed my head into the corner of the wall. I heard a crack, saw stars and actually cried a little, it hurt that bad.

Now I have a marble sized bump on the top/right of my forehead. And I took preliminary Excedrin to ward off a little of what will be the headache from the darkest pits of hell I'm probably going to experience later today.

I told my boyfriend I'm glad I didn't have to go to the ER. How would that look? First I "fall down the steps" a couple of weeks ago and now I"m in for "running into the wall!" You know they'd be asking me if my boyfriend was beating me. *snort* Who, this big bad sweetheart? Impossible!

I'm just one of those rare people who is the living embodiment of Murphy's Law. I have transformed klutz into a damn superpower.

Maybe that's my key to world domination.

Thoughts on friendship

I don't know about you, but there are relatively few people in my life, (my offline life, rather) that I consider "in my circle". Everybody has a circle. Family members you are very close to, your dearest friends who've become like family. The people that feel essential to you.

And now here's mine.

Family:
Mom - Wow. There's not enough good things in the world to say about this woman. She's beautiful, loving and always there when you need to talk. She's a great listener and truly one of my best friends. She's patient, kind, has great advice (and you will hear it whether or not you want to). And as I've gotten older, I realize that's not always a bad thing.

Dad - Both him and Mom have stuck by my side through every bad time I've ever, loved me through everything I've ever done. And have done this with all their kids. Even when they don't agree with us, (and Dad's good at not agreeing but then again, that's where I get it from), we know we are loved. Dad has always fought for me and protected me, and I've always felt loved. I will always be thankful I had this man for my primary male role model.

Mommy - I know, confusing. Mom and Dad=biological parents, but they are Mom and Dad and have earned that title. Mommy is my biological mother, who also, has earned that title. :) Her life hasn't always been...easy. She'll tell you that. She's made mistakes and will admit that to anyone too. But I've always known she loves me, and she has always been there when I've needed her. I'm so glad she's happy now with someone who treats her with respect.

Aunt Cathi - She was (and is) the quintessential awesome aunt. She was there with me when I was little, took me out places with her, we had a lot of fun. She was also fiercely protective of me, and I pretty much thought she walked on water. She's a very loyal person to her family, and I learned a lot about loyalty from her, just by watching her. I love her very much.

Boo - This is my daughter. On Blogger, which is public, she is known simply as Boo. This child is my everything. She is very smart, and the most loving little girl I have ever known. She's always wanting hugs and kisses. Which is wonderful. Because of her huge vocabulary, she'll end up saying something that sounds so grown up for a 6 year old. And sometimes she doesn't get why people laugh. She's a little girly girl, and loves being a girl. Pink, purple and yellow are her favorite colors. She's everybody's girl, all of us love her so much.

Scott - He is my boyfriend of 5 1/2 years and he is so amazing to me. He is very patient (whereas I am not). When he's upset, he gets quiet. I do not. He's got a beautiful heart, he's loving and kind. I do not believe he has ever intentionally hurt my feelings. I'm not saying he hasn't hurt my feelings, but I don't believe he's ever done it with intent to. I know he loves me. He adores my daughter, and Boo adores him. I can not think of anyone else I'd rather spend my life with.

Bette- My ex mother in law. Yes, you heard me right. If there was ever a candidate for sainthood, it would be this woman. She's literally one of the sweetest people on the planet. She's one of those people who can restore your faith in the human race. Everyone who knows her, even a little, that I've run across, says the same thing to me. Every time. "Oh, Bette, yes, such a nice lady." I love her!

Friends

Missy - Our bond was pretty much instantaneous. She yells over at me from across the lunchroom, "Hey! Come sit over here!" and I'm like o_0 because that had *never* happened to me before. We were instant friends. There was a while there in high school where either I was over at her house or she was over at mine on the weekends. Popcorn, Beavis and Butt-head marathons, various board games we'd get obsessed with, waking up to Beavis and Butt-head of a morning thanks to the innovative invention of the 8 hour VHS tape and cinnamon pancakes in the morning. She's been there through some of the worst of my mental illness, she saw her best friend hospitalized some 3-4x a year at one point. I was there the Christmas week she came home from college and her parents were splitting up. Or, she was at my house. Gotta love the peace and quiet at Mom and Dad's! And it doesn't matter how long we go without talking to each other. The moment I get on the phone with her, the same feelings are still there.

Patty - This woman is amazing. We actually did meet in high school, but she was a very different person back then. I was later to find out there was a reason for this. We remet when a mutual friend got together with the both of us. We clicked instantly, and have been soul twins ever since. We've done some wild shit back in the day. I'd spend the night at her apartment and we'd get smashed. One time, I projectile vomited all over...her, the wall, the living room carpet, the hall carpet, the bathroom floor, the *top* part of the toilet before I finally made a bullseye into where it belonged. Today, we are both mothers and need to talk to each other between every other day and every 2 days. We share almost everything with each other. She also is responsible for bringing me together with the love of my life.

I think I have a pretty small circle. And I'm content with it. These are people who've always been there for me, have never purposely hurt me, and who love me no matter what. I will always be grateful for all of them.

Saturday night out with my cousin

...was pretty fun. Got to squishle some kittens that one of their many cats had before we left. They were adorable! One thing I could respect about his mom if I could like her is that she seems to like cats just about as much as I do. In fact, she's pretty much advanced along the path of the crazy cat lady. That will not sway me from my destiny, only I'll...spay and neuter my cats because I just think it's wrong not to.

My cousin chose a chinese buffet. Another thing I love (and always have) about this kid is that he will say highly inappropriate things in public and it can be pretty hilarious. We sat down, then grabbed our plates and went up to the buffet. Everything was labled but one or 2 things. I'm looking at something and I'm like, "What's this?" and he goes, "Probably cat," which I just bust out laughing. So then I grab the teriyaki chicken and he says, "Cat on a stick?" Then I say, "No, I think it smells more like dog."

Of course, we both knew we weren't eating cat or dog...that's kind of the way the kid is though. It doesn't really matter who's around either. Like the restaurant employees, for instance. Which, me being evil, made me snicker that much harder. And sometimes, instead of being embarassed, it's more fun to roll with it. My boyfriend looked like he wanted to fall into the floor and disappear into an alternate universe, but I think he had fun.

Then we had to take him back home, and hugged some more kittens before we left. I hope to make this a regular thing. Take him out every other weekend or so.

My daughter has a doctor's appointment today at 3:15 because she said she felt like going to school today. I'm just hoping something can be done to get rid of this freaking cough.

My friend Patty and I agree

I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy.

Farts are hilarious. So are burps.

So when my boyfriend stopped up the toilet today after taking a massive shit, I was rolling on the floor.

But there is a limit.

My darling boyfriend ate some salsa tonight and has been having rank salsa burps all night long.

By the way, the tags should've been a clue.

Love ya!

Live Journal Writers Block Question

Who has it easier—men or women? Why or why not?
Submitted By rona_emo

As you all know, I am female. I'm just speaking to the start of a relationship here. Nothing else. In that regards, I believe that women have it a HELL of a lot easier. At least I have. I've never had to be the person to ask a guy out. When I was 18-20, I was on a medication called Zyprexa. If you want to know what it does, there's a nifty little search engine called Google. Use it. And yes, that *is* what I was on it for. :) One of the nasty little side effects of that medication was bloating and severe weight gain. I ballooned to an incredible (for my 5'3" frame) 220lbs and wearing size 22 pants before I was taken off of it at the end of my 20th year. I lost 110lbs in a little under a year. *Just* from going off that medication.

Even at that size, I was still getting approached for dates and relationships. And the guys I did date were reasonably good guys. Marty was commitment phobic. Not that I wanted a commitment. He was a good guy, and we parted on good, but permanent terms. I had one FWB. If memory serves me correctly, his name was Scotty? LOL. It was a decent experience. Not great (but then again, I can't compare ANYONE before my Scott *to* Scott because they all sucked compared to --yeah, I'll leave it at that.) I think I was really only doing it with him (the FWB, not Scott lol) to up my experience level. I know that sounds horrible, but you just had to understand the way it worked with us. We both were just out for sex. I didn't want a relationship at the time. I don't remember how it ended, I think it was just one of those things where you lose touch with someone? Meh, not important.

I didn't date seriously until I was 21 with Robert, and then Scott. Scott's and my relationship started out a little different in that I knew a little about him from what Patty told me. I did call him first, but I didn't ask him out first. He asked me out, and I told him to just come over and I'd make something. And if you've known me for a long time, you'll know how *that* night ended up. :)

But I have massively digressed. The point is, in relationships, women almost *always* have the upper hand. There may be exceptions. I'm not saying everyone's experience is the same. I have just never had an experience where I've had to actively seek a relationship. And let's face it. That's hard to do. At least it would be to me. I've never been the type of person to actively seek out even friendships, much less relationships. Most of the time, IRL, people come to me.

Men are expected to be active pursuers. At clubs they are expected to approach the women. And the guy who may be just a little awkward, or nervous, you see those poor guys get shot down all the time. In my experience, it's those guys who normally always make the most devoted and loving partners. He's the guy that hates dancing but who will dance with you anyway, even though you both look like a couple of ducks waddling together on the dance floor. (Who said I can't dance?) Seriously, though. I can't. But I love to try.

When the hell did one question turn into long ass stroll down memory lane? Well at least I've enjoyed the trip.

Stuff To Do

1) Pick up the living room
2) Take a shower
3) Do hair/makeup
4) Get dressed in sexy (for me) new shirt and skirt
5) Go out to Johnny Carinos with boyfriend tonight.

Thought I'd start doing this, and ya gotta love the tag name.

White Horse by Taylor Swift

Yet another Taylor Swift video. I know, a lot of people really don't like Taylor Swift. Including my dear boyfriend. But he does like this song. I think she's awesome now, but I think she's really going to be something else once she matures a little bit and gets more of an adult perspective. I love the fact that she writes her own songs. And they're well written songs. Some of them are a bit on the naive side, but they're unique. She has a talent that will serve her well in years to come.