I found this video through The Ranter's Box, who I found through Vegetable Assassin. I need to update my Blogger a hell of a lot more often than I actually do.
I don't know if I've ever shared my absolute terror of balloons. I fucking hate them. I hate them with the white hot intensity of a million supernovas. If I could take every balloon, balloon manufacturer and the technology that allows balloons to exist and fire it into the middle of a black hole, I would do a naked happy dance. In public. This guy has a balloon fetish. I have a balloon phobia. I'm not so much afraid of balloons, as I'm afraid of the bigger-than-the-world noise they make when they pop. I have been known to bust out crying, tears and sobs, the whole works, if one pops in my general vicinity. Especially before or during visits from the aunt in my pants named Flo, but not neccessarily during those times.
I have a child. She likes balloons. What kid doesn't? (Me as a kid, that's who. Yes, I was a child balloon hater.) Maybe I should say what normal kid doesn't? Because of my abnormal hatred of balloons and my mightier than thou fear of big booms, if there is a balloon in the house, it automatically gets transferred to her room. And there it stays. Until she leaves for her weekend with her dad and his family and I take the fucker downstairs and either a: let it go if it's a helium or b: toss it in the outside bin if it's not. I can't help it. It's like having a suicide bomber in your house.
Funny thing though. I can watch this video. Because the popping balloon is not in the same room with me, I can laugh at this happy asshole getting off on overinflating a balloon until it pops in his face. And I can simultaneously hope to hell he loses an eye or a hand or maybe his dingaling doing this one of these days. Maybe then people will understand what a fucking menace to society these colorful pieces of satanic rubber actually are.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
YES! Thank you. I hate balloons too. I hate the fact they might pop loudly and give me a heart attack. I hate when they're half deflated and look like tiny wrinkled ballsacks. I hate the feel of them. They're horrible. When I was about three, my dad, knowing my balloon terror, once waited till I was having a nap and stuck a sausage shaped balloon to the wall right above my head. Well. Let's just say people have been murdered more quietly than the scene when I woke up. Balloons are evil. I stand by this 100%. Let's form a club! :) Now to watch this dubious video which I somehow missed at the Empress' place unless she posted it today as I haven't gotten there yet.
ReplyDeleteI would like to impale whoever created the balloon with long needles and watch them slowly die.
ReplyDeleteI'm fairly certain that balloons come directly from Satan's bunghole. Those, and bees. Not the honeybee kind, those big ass bumblebee motherfuckers.