Warning: Lots of sex shit mentioned. If you don't like to read about sex, don't read any further. I'm not cutting it because...well, you don't need a reason. So there.
It seems every fucking month, when Aunt Flo shows up, I become uncontrollably horny. I have a high sex drive anyway, but during shark week, it's like "I wanna fuck now x 5,000".
And yet I hate period sex. I will not have period sex. Non-period sex is messy enough. Besides, the first few days of my rag time, there's a mini massacre in my pants. The red river doth flow out of my vagina. Making sex of the peen and vag kind impossible. In my universe.
Which leads me to the subject of masturbation. During the week of the red tide, I must masturbate. Because if I don't, I'll end up raping my poor boyfriend. Which, normally, he wouldn't mind, but he doesn't think much of period sex either. It's happened before, on accident, when Aunt Flo decides to show up during morning hard on time and before I get up to discover her red carpet has been laid out.
Thank God for toys that are easily cleaned off.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Haha, you poor, horny beast. I'm the opposite. I'm totally asexual at that time. I'm all "DO NOT TOUCH ME, I AM CRAMPY AND BLOATED AND ANGRY!" You know ovulation time though? Forget about it.
ReplyDeleteLMAO. I don't know what it is. I'm like a walking, talking clitoris this week. As I've said before, I have a high sex drive anyway. But why, why does it torture me so during shark week when I *am* crampy, bloated, bitchy, and generally not sexually attractive *at all*.
ReplyDeleteI hate my hormones.