I so suck at updating the Blogger

Maybe because since around the 15th of the month, I have been in the 3VIL B1TCH MOOD OF DOOM and the fact that I just *had* the red carpet out for Aunt Flo on the 7th so (OMG I HOPE) it has nothing to do with that.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Things are going GOOD right now, damnit!!

Somebody needs to rip my arm off and beat me with it, seriously.

But I have developed a rather large obsession lately with the show "Escape to Chimp Eden" on Animal Planet. Friday nights at 10pm. WATCH IT!



I've ganked this from this article on the animal planet website because seriously, I can't describe the show any better than this.

Deep in the heart of South Africa, the Jane Goodall Institute's Chimp Eden Sanctuary is a place of rebirth and renewal for more than two dozen chimps, most of whom suffered horrible lives in human captivity.

Sanctuary Director Eugene Cussons has traveled throughout Africa at great personal risk to give these chimps the chance of a meaningful and fulfilling life. For Eugene, however, the dream extends beyond the sanctuary itself. He is convinced that through intense hands-on rehabilitation, he can teach these remarkable animals the skills they need to survive in the wild.

The success of his approach is on display at every turn. Chimps who never-before climbed a tree now swing effortlessly from branch to branch, high above the ground. Chimps who once survived on table scraps and garbage now feast on wild figs, crack nutshells with rocks to get to the meat inside and pick through tall grass for the ripest shoots. Chimps who spent years alone and isolated in cramped cages now thrive in solid and stable family groups.

Every day, Eugene moves closer to his ultimate goal — returning the strongest and most skilled chimps back to the rainforest where they belong.

I love this show! It really shows the worst side of human nature, and the best side too. Plus it's so rewarding to get to see these wild animals be who they were meant to be. And I have a slight crush on Eugene Cussons.

I get crushes on the most non-traditional people to get crushes on. People like Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp and pretty much any major Hollywood personality...I don't know. I've never been one to go gaga, so to speak, over people that, to me, really seem to have the personality of a dishmop. People I notice have to have something different. Take another one. Dr. Michio Kaku.

He's a theoretical physicist, co-founder of the string field theory and does a lot of documentary TV shows on the history and science channels. His charisma and energy is amazing.

I LOVE this guy.

See what I mean?

Transforming klutz to a superpower

I have come to the conclusion that walking with boxes in my arms is now beyond the limits of what I can do. First of all I had way too many boxes. I was up the stairs and made a wrong turn and slammed my head into the corner of the wall. I heard a crack, saw stars and actually cried a little, it hurt that bad.

Now I have a marble sized bump on the top/right of my forehead. And I took preliminary Excedrin to ward off a little of what will be the headache from the darkest pits of hell I'm probably going to experience later today.

I told my boyfriend I'm glad I didn't have to go to the ER. How would that look? First I "fall down the steps" a couple of weeks ago and now I"m in for "running into the wall!" You know they'd be asking me if my boyfriend was beating me. *snort* Who, this big bad sweetheart? Impossible!

I'm just one of those rare people who is the living embodiment of Murphy's Law. I have transformed klutz into a damn superpower.

Maybe that's my key to world domination.

The Vegetable Assassin...

Display it with pride.

This has never happened before

I believe I may like a movie, and it's novella, equally.

Apt Pupil the novella by Stephen King and Apt Pupil the film.

The important thing, I think, to remember...is that if you look it as being 2 seperate stories, that each stand up on their own merit. For instance, the movie ends WAY different than the story. I actually liked the ending of the movie...equally as well as the story. But the story is more involved, and begins when the boy is much younger. The characters in the movie and the film (other than a few minor characters like the guidance counselor and the man in the hospital bed, they edited the hell out of those characters) were recognizable as being the same characters.

Todd's character (the boy)...just cast perfectly in the movie, only as he would've been if he were older. I think the characters in the story, and in the film, were equally dark. The story character Todd was maybe a little more disturbing, considering how young he was when it started. The old man...Dussander, was another perfectly cast role.

I think the storyline in the movie is slightly weaker than the book, simply because Stephen King writes very involved characters and it's hard to translate that to film sometimes. But the ending of the movie sealed it. It's really hard to explain. You'd just have to read the novella, in the book "Different Seasons" by Stephen King. And watch the movie. Then you'd know what I mean.

There are significant differences in the plot and a lot of creative liberties taken. The ending for the story was perfect for the story and the ending for the film was perfect for the film. And I like them both.

Another unpleasant side effect of Aunt Flo's visit

Warning: Lots of sex shit mentioned. If you don't like to read about sex, don't read any further. I'm not cutting it because...well, you don't need a reason. So there.

It seems every fucking month, when Aunt Flo shows up, I become uncontrollably horny. I have a high sex drive anyway, but during shark week, it's like "I wanna fuck now x 5,000".

And yet I hate period sex. I will not have period sex. Non-period sex is messy enough. Besides, the first few days of my rag time, there's a mini massacre in my pants. The red river doth flow out of my vagina. Making sex of the peen and vag kind impossible. In my universe.

Which leads me to the subject of masturbation. During the week of the red tide, I must masturbate. Because if I don't, I'll end up raping my poor boyfriend. Which, normally, he wouldn't mind, but he doesn't think much of period sex either. It's happened before, on accident, when Aunt Flo decides to show up during morning hard on time and before I get up to discover her red carpet has been laid out.

Thank God for toys that are easily cleaned off.

Thoughts on friendship

I don't know about you, but there are relatively few people in my life, (my offline life, rather) that I consider "in my circle". Everybody has a circle. Family members you are very close to, your dearest friends who've become like family. The people that feel essential to you.

And now here's mine.

Family:
Mom - Wow. There's not enough good things in the world to say about this woman. She's beautiful, loving and always there when you need to talk. She's a great listener and truly one of my best friends. She's patient, kind, has great advice (and you will hear it whether or not you want to). And as I've gotten older, I realize that's not always a bad thing.

Dad - Both him and Mom have stuck by my side through every bad time I've ever, loved me through everything I've ever done. And have done this with all their kids. Even when they don't agree with us, (and Dad's good at not agreeing but then again, that's where I get it from), we know we are loved. Dad has always fought for me and protected me, and I've always felt loved. I will always be thankful I had this man for my primary male role model.

Mommy - I know, confusing. Mom and Dad=biological parents, but they are Mom and Dad and have earned that title. Mommy is my biological mother, who also, has earned that title. :) Her life hasn't always been...easy. She'll tell you that. She's made mistakes and will admit that to anyone too. But I've always known she loves me, and she has always been there when I've needed her. I'm so glad she's happy now with someone who treats her with respect.

Aunt Cathi - She was (and is) the quintessential awesome aunt. She was there with me when I was little, took me out places with her, we had a lot of fun. She was also fiercely protective of me, and I pretty much thought she walked on water. She's a very loyal person to her family, and I learned a lot about loyalty from her, just by watching her. I love her very much.

Boo - This is my daughter. On Blogger, which is public, she is known simply as Boo. This child is my everything. She is very smart, and the most loving little girl I have ever known. She's always wanting hugs and kisses. Which is wonderful. Because of her huge vocabulary, she'll end up saying something that sounds so grown up for a 6 year old. And sometimes she doesn't get why people laugh. She's a little girly girl, and loves being a girl. Pink, purple and yellow are her favorite colors. She's everybody's girl, all of us love her so much.

Scott - He is my boyfriend of 5 1/2 years and he is so amazing to me. He is very patient (whereas I am not). When he's upset, he gets quiet. I do not. He's got a beautiful heart, he's loving and kind. I do not believe he has ever intentionally hurt my feelings. I'm not saying he hasn't hurt my feelings, but I don't believe he's ever done it with intent to. I know he loves me. He adores my daughter, and Boo adores him. I can not think of anyone else I'd rather spend my life with.

Bette- My ex mother in law. Yes, you heard me right. If there was ever a candidate for sainthood, it would be this woman. She's literally one of the sweetest people on the planet. She's one of those people who can restore your faith in the human race. Everyone who knows her, even a little, that I've run across, says the same thing to me. Every time. "Oh, Bette, yes, such a nice lady." I love her!

Friends

Missy - Our bond was pretty much instantaneous. She yells over at me from across the lunchroom, "Hey! Come sit over here!" and I'm like o_0 because that had *never* happened to me before. We were instant friends. There was a while there in high school where either I was over at her house or she was over at mine on the weekends. Popcorn, Beavis and Butt-head marathons, various board games we'd get obsessed with, waking up to Beavis and Butt-head of a morning thanks to the innovative invention of the 8 hour VHS tape and cinnamon pancakes in the morning. She's been there through some of the worst of my mental illness, she saw her best friend hospitalized some 3-4x a year at one point. I was there the Christmas week she came home from college and her parents were splitting up. Or, she was at my house. Gotta love the peace and quiet at Mom and Dad's! And it doesn't matter how long we go without talking to each other. The moment I get on the phone with her, the same feelings are still there.

Patty - This woman is amazing. We actually did meet in high school, but she was a very different person back then. I was later to find out there was a reason for this. We remet when a mutual friend got together with the both of us. We clicked instantly, and have been soul twins ever since. We've done some wild shit back in the day. I'd spend the night at her apartment and we'd get smashed. One time, I projectile vomited all over...her, the wall, the living room carpet, the hall carpet, the bathroom floor, the *top* part of the toilet before I finally made a bullseye into where it belonged. Today, we are both mothers and need to talk to each other between every other day and every 2 days. We share almost everything with each other. She also is responsible for bringing me together with the love of my life.

I think I have a pretty small circle. And I'm content with it. These are people who've always been there for me, have never purposely hurt me, and who love me no matter what. I will always be grateful for all of them.

Saturday night out with my cousin

...was pretty fun. Got to squishle some kittens that one of their many cats had before we left. They were adorable! One thing I could respect about his mom if I could like her is that she seems to like cats just about as much as I do. In fact, she's pretty much advanced along the path of the crazy cat lady. That will not sway me from my destiny, only I'll...spay and neuter my cats because I just think it's wrong not to.

My cousin chose a chinese buffet. Another thing I love (and always have) about this kid is that he will say highly inappropriate things in public and it can be pretty hilarious. We sat down, then grabbed our plates and went up to the buffet. Everything was labled but one or 2 things. I'm looking at something and I'm like, "What's this?" and he goes, "Probably cat," which I just bust out laughing. So then I grab the teriyaki chicken and he says, "Cat on a stick?" Then I say, "No, I think it smells more like dog."

Of course, we both knew we weren't eating cat or dog...that's kind of the way the kid is though. It doesn't really matter who's around either. Like the restaurant employees, for instance. Which, me being evil, made me snicker that much harder. And sometimes, instead of being embarassed, it's more fun to roll with it. My boyfriend looked like he wanted to fall into the floor and disappear into an alternate universe, but I think he had fun.

Then we had to take him back home, and hugged some more kittens before we left. I hope to make this a regular thing. Take him out every other weekend or so.

My daughter has a doctor's appointment today at 3:15 because she said she felt like going to school today. I'm just hoping something can be done to get rid of this freaking cough.