Not your average raving lunatic

Only the Germans could actually name this feeling

2011-03-02T21:52:00.000-08:00

Schadenfreude. Feeling pleasure at other people's misfortune or failure. I watched the Charlie Sheen interview, and if that doesn't qualify as "fail"...I don't know what does. And I'm sorry, I laughed all the way through it. Is there a more arrogant shit on the planet?

I can't really say I feel sorry for the guy, even if he is bipolar because he's could get help for himself if he wanted to. Most people can't do that. There are people who would like to get help and can't because they can't afford it. So no, I don't feel AT ALL bad for him.

He's not that fucking talented. He plays...himself on TV. If I was making fucking 2 million dollars an episode on a hit TV show for just being myself...and I made a complete ass of myself, AGAIN...I'd want to keep that kush job. I'd be in rehab right now and licking so much bunghole when I came out, my mouth would taste like shit for a month. Can you imagine an easier job, seriously? Fuck, he doesn't even have to have another name on the show. He plays himself with his same name. Oh, that's superb acting!

And I call bullshit on the "negative" drug test. I can go buy fake pee at Karma right now and pass a drug screen. I'm sure no one actually watched him piss in a cup.

I guess there are women who will put themselves in physical danger to be with him because he's rich and he's Charlie Sheen. Oh, never mind all the women he's beaten the holy shit out of. He's got two, yes, TWO women fucking him right now. What the holy eff? He may actually kill someone one of these days. Not that he'll serve any time for it. He is Charlie Sheen, in his own mind, king of the universe with billions of fans. Yes, he said billions. Even though there are 7 billion people on this planet and I'm pretty fucking sure 6 billion are completely unaware that he exists. You are famous in America, douchebag. The rest of the world doesn't give a shit about you.

If any self respecting judge gives this guy custody of those two babies, I hope that judge dies in a slow fire. I'd be glad to strike the match.

Even though I like the show, I hope it ends. I hope he spends all his money on hookers and coke and lawsuits.

I want to see this walking asshole on legs crash and burn Lindsay Lohan style.

You know what?

2011-02-24T21:35:00.001-08:00

If we are electing idiots like Bobby Franklin into anything with more public responsibility than garbage collector, then I actually fucking HOPE the world ends in 2012. If humanity can't do any better than it is doing, I hope we blow ourselves apart.

Are you fucking kidding me? This person is an elected official. I have to call my friend, from Georgia, and ask him "What the actual fuck are you guys THINKING down there?"

For fuck's sake, like it's not difficult enough for a woman to go through a miscarriage. All I know, is that if this fuckery actually passes, if you're pregnant and living in Georgia, I suggest you run, don't walk to your car and drive the fuck out of that state...and pray to God you don't miscarry on the way to a state without insane people as elected officials.

So good news on the girly part front (TMI, clearly labled TMI)

2011-02-18T17:44:00.000-08:00

I got a referral from my doctor yesterday. I love her!

So I get to go see a gynecologist, to see why in the hell I'm bleeding 3x in a month and a half. On March 15th at 2:30. I'm probably waiting, because I specifically asked for a female doctor. I've never had a guy give me a full exam (except when I first went into labor, one of the men was on duty, but as I was having strong contractions every 3 minutes, I would've let Charles Manson give me an exam as long as he had the power of Epidural).

So...for the first time in my life, I'm actually looking forward to having an exam (and maybe a pap) to see why the hell my uterus hates me sooo much?

Is it too much to ask

2011-02-18T17:02:00.000-08:00

...if you are going to sing your national anthem in public, please for the love of God know the fucking words? If you don't know, learn. Especially if you sing in public for a living, Christina Aguilera. And at the motherfucking super bowl!

Otherwise, you will never be asked to sing the national anthem in public ever again. Ask Roseanne Barr.

...at least Roseanne knew the fucking words. She may have sucked out loud, but she knew the words and in what order they come in.

My God, I’m showing my stupid

2010-12-11T17:48:00.000-08:00

what is a graphic short story? I can do short stories, no problem, but I can’t fucking draw. I’m kind of doing my cousin’s homework. I read the book last night, it’s about the integration of Central High School in Little Rock Arkansas in 1958. Amazingly easy, but I’m thinking, “WTF graphic short story” and I can’t get a definition anywhere (Google has failed me) and I can write a short story in my sleep (I’ve got a great idea and I’ll post it here when I’m done.) The closest I’ve got is “graphic novel” and I’m like, “WTF? My cousin is in a lower level English class. They expect these kids to draw?” I love my boy, but he just struggles so hard to get through the simplest subjects at school. I’d like to see him get his diploma, at least, though. If he doesn’t, he’s going to have no chance. He does okay in his math classes, but English eludes him. So what the hell.

And he’s been having problems this year. Mental problems. His senior year. God knows I wouldn’t have graduated if my dad hadn’t helped me out, and by helped me out I mean did my homework for me. I was homebound that year, suffering serious mental illness and periodic hospitalizaions. He has come dangerously close to being hospitalized this year. I see it as being a matter of time, really. I’m going to get him probably an A, if I get the instructions right. And I’m pretty sure I’ve got it other than “graphic short story”. That should bump his average up enough to pass him.

And if I wrote the words to a song I write, would anyone be able to make music to it?

Sleep seems to be eluding me tonight

2010-12-10T23:31:00.000-08:00

Ah, hypomania. Welcome back, homegirl. And Aunt Flo's staying for an extended visit. The cousins have also come bearing gifts. Crampy has been a particular joy this time around. OMG, give me a heated spoon and I'll remove the ovaries myself. Heated. Spoon. Moody and Bitchy have been making their appearance, egged on by homegirl mania. Luckily, Weepy is nowhere in sight. I tell you, I can be a bitch when I'm in a normal mood, but at least I feel bad about it. When I'm hypomanic, (or, God forbid, manic) I'm not just a bitch, I'm an unrepentant bitch. Add Aunt Flo to the mix and you'll have to thank my high functioning frontal lobe for the fact that there is no streets running with the blood of the innocent in sleepy Columbus, IN. Weepy will show up later, after the crash, and bring her twin brother Guilt.

I'm not feeling quite human right now. Thankfully, I don't see the insanity lasting for much longer than a day or two. I hope.

Thoughts on my own bisexuality

2010-12-09T19:04:00.000-08:00

I’m 31 years old. I’ve never been with a woman. Not that I’ve not wanted to…OMG I’ve wanted to. But I live in a conservative, Midwestern town and it just seemed I couldn’t meet one gay female. The very few I did meet, just no. It didn’t work.

When I was single. Of course, now that I’m in a relationship I’m very happy with (with an amazing man) I seem to be the Columbus gay girl magnet.

There’s this girl who now works at Circle K (where I used to work also) who has actively flirted with me. Of course, she sees me come in with my boyfriend, but she’s still just really cool. I would guess she’s mid twenties, maybe late 20’s. She’s taller than me, stocky, but actually kind of sexy in a way that I just can’t describe.

If I were single, she is exactly the kind of person I’d like to have my first female experience with. She’s fun, cute and charismatic.

Damn my monogamous heart.

Just chilling

2010-12-06T19:35:00.000-08:00

Still haven't turned the TV off football yet.

WTF? Maybe because I'm so accustomed to having it as background to net surfing and general fucking around on the computer because the boyfriend fucking L.O.V.E.S. it. I can handle it, up to a point. I like the local hometeam (Colts) because they don't seem to be douchey douchingtons compared to a lot of the other teams but I really think I've just developed a tolerance, kind of like a disease you've been exposed to over and over again.

People who waste air that we breathe

2010-11-30T21:06:00.000-08:00

Just when you think the story of poor little 10 year old Zahra Baker can't possibly get any worse...it does. If you want to know the story and don't, google it. I just...can't.

Here's where my mental illness shows itself. Be warned. It's not pretty.

I do know that I have several ideas for her gaping useless cuntslime of a stepmother that involve razor blades, salt and rubbing alcohol and ALL of her bodily orifices. AND OMG WHY HASN'T HER WANKSTAIN DOUCHECANOE FATHER BEEN ARRESTED ALREADY? Even if he didn't actually kill the child, you know he knew. People like this just need to stop wasting air, seriously. If you ever have a thought of doing these things to a child, or letting these things happen to a child around you, do the entire world a favor and kill yourself now. Preferably by rolling in broken glass, taking a salt bath, dipping yourself in gasoline and setting yourself on fire. Then have your bodies dumped in a large hole in the ground so that every abuse victim in the world would have the option of taking a huge dump on your remains. After that, open it up to include everyone else in the world who had to crap. I, myself, would eat a very large mexican meal and bring along some ex-lax.

Because everything I just said in the above sentence...preferable to what happened to this child.

This guy gets off on my worst nightmare

2010-11-23T21:59:00.000-08:00

I found this video through The Ranter's Box, who I found through Vegetable Assassin. I need to update my Blogger a hell of a lot more often than I actually do.

I don't know if I've ever shared my absolute terror of balloons. I fucking hate them. I hate them with the white hot intensity of a million supernovas. If I could take every balloon, balloon manufacturer and the technology that allows balloons to exist and fire it into the middle of a black hole, I would do a naked happy dance. In public. This guy has a balloon fetish. I have a balloon phobia. I'm not so much afraid of balloons, as I'm afraid of the bigger-than-the-world noise they make when they pop. I have been known to bust out crying, tears and sobs, the whole works, if one pops in my general vicinity. Especially before or during visits from the aunt in my pants named Flo, but not neccessarily during those times.

I have a child. She likes balloons. What kid doesn't? (Me as a kid, that's who. Yes, I was a child balloon hater.) Maybe I should say what normal kid doesn't? Because of my abnormal hatred of balloons and my mightier than thou fear of big booms, if there is a balloon in the house, it automatically gets transferred to her room. And there it stays. Until she leaves for her weekend with her dad and his family and I take the fucker downstairs and either a: let it go if it's a helium or b: toss it in the outside bin if it's not. I can't help it. It's like having a suicide bomber in your house.

Funny thing though. I can watch this video. Because the popping balloon is not in the same room with me, I can laugh at this happy asshole getting off on overinflating a balloon until it pops in his face. And I can simultaneously hope to hell he loses an eye or a hand or maybe his dingaling doing this one of these days. Maybe then people will understand what a fucking menace to society these colorful pieces of satanic rubber actually are.

I...have been so fucking sick.

2010-10-30T18:06:00.000-07:00

It's not even right. Let's see...vomited so much from Tuesday through Thursday that I had to be hospitalized Thursday night. Saw Dr. McGillvary at Prompt Med an immediate care center. (I love her and if she ever goes anywhere, I'm going to try and get her in a heartbeat!) and she pretty much had me admitted Thursday night due to severe dehydration. I lost 6lbs in 4 days. You don't just do that unless you've lost water. A metric fuckload in other words. Though pretty much the doctor on call Thursday is on my shitlist, because she was on call, she took over my care to speak...and I honestly think I was released way too soon. I spent most of yesterday and today puking my guts up. I'm getting a little relief now. And that's pretty much thanks to my green friend. And Dr. Porter, who I saw at walk in this morning. I've been taking the medicine (I throw up everything that goes into my stomach, ugh) and he gave me sublingual (under the tongue) medicine to help with stomach pain and a compazine suppository to MAYBE help with the fucking constant vomiting. And when I say constant, omg. It's been insane!

I have an appointment my Dr. in 2 weeks. Fucking A. Honestly, if I'm not seeing some real help this time, I'm leaving her and going to either, the doctor Dad goes to...or leave Sandcreat entirely and try and find somewhere that will take my fucking insurance.

I'm really, really hoping and praying to God that I will feel so much better by tommorrow. It's Halloween, damnit! I want to go out with my kid. :(

Every single medication I've taken at home...has not worked on my vomiting in the slightest. In the hospital, they gave me Zofran. THAT shit works, but guess what my insurance doesn't cover it-unless I'm actually hospitalized. Phenergan doesn't work. I believe I threw up more after I got the shot today from the Dr that was supposed to stop it and the compazine doesn't work (though I'm taking it because I don't think it's hurting me)

Guess how many bong hits it took for my stomach to feel miles better, enough for me to eat a half a can of chicken noodle soup (mostly broth)?

Three.

How fucked up is that?

Oh, and add this to the list of shit that can only happen to me. I was taking a walk LAST Saturday, and reading my book (yes, I walk and read at the same time). This is a slow neighborhood. Not exactly watching where I'm going. All of a sudden, this 9-10 year old boy comes barreling around on a bicycle. Not exactly watching where HE'S going. You see where this is going?

Kaboom. I'm flat back on the sidewalk, slamming my head and upper back in the process. The kid lands on me, so he's fine. I, on the other hand, am still having a residual headache and massive upper back pain. The joys of getting older. Fuck. I pass out for a few seconds though because one minute I'm on the ground with the kid on top of me and the next second the kid is beside me screaming, "LADY, HEY LADY, WAKE UP! ARE YOU OKAY? LADY WAKE UP!" and my first words, "You okay, bud?" He was. I'm glad the kid is okay though. I couldn't have stood the guilt had he hurt himself too. Little fucker, however, landed on me. He was able to avoid getting hurt by landing on my squishy ass.

Went to the ER Saturday night because I thought there was a chance I was concussed, but I wasn't. Woke up Sunday morning with agony in my upper back. Agony. So I go to Prompt Med. Dr. Lovins is there (WTF? Seems everyone who quits Sandcrest ends up at PromptMed). Well, she gives me 21 Soma (muscle relaxer) and forty vicodin. I'm like 0_o. Yeah, have never been given quite that much before. I didn't even get close to taking all of it.

I must admit, Veggie, you are right.

2010-10-14T18:07:00.000-07:00

I had a strange obsession with owning a snuggie. I love blankets, and I think, a blanket with sleeves, perfect! I'm not over the age of 65 yet so I will not be wearing the thing in public. Ever. People my age and younger do this, and as much as I thought this was going to be the coolest invention ever made, I do not think the snuggie look is stylin for the ages of 13-65. They should be forbidden public wear for those age groups.

So a week ago, I buy one. I go to CVS and bought the one that donates money to breast cancer research. That would be the only positive part of the Snuggie experience. It was bright cotton candy pink Snuggie with a pocket. I'm over the moon.

Until I get the fucker home and I realize something. Snuggies are not for short people. I am a short person. 5'3" and a clumsy mc'klutz even when I don't try to move with a 6 foot blanket in my path because I do forget to pick the fucker up. I'm glad that my superpower is that I do not trip. My elementary school was a combat zone. I had to train my brain to never trip. Not that the snotnosed fuckers wouldn't try. I'm clumsy, I drop shit and bump into shit, bump into people. I will never be comfortable in a china shop. But I do not trip.

After the age of 65, I'm going to aspire to the wear the most loud, ridiculous, bedazzled crazy cat lady clothes. Because if you live to be so old, you should be able to say and wear and do whatever the fuck you want. I don't think I'd ever be obnoxious to someone who isn't obnoxious to me, but after that age (except in extreme cases of pissing me off, then I'll let you know now) I will let you know exactly how much you suck as a human being.

The Snuggie has become my most expensive cat blanket. Jinxie loves it.

She loves Scott and will claim his lap when he gets home. But I've been going for walks lately, and Scott tells me that Jinxie will wait by the back door and cry the entire time I'm gone. We call her puppycat because she will follow me everywhere and she feels she must at least go into every room I'm in. I haven't been to the bathroom by myself in years. I have never had or met a cat that is so much a baby. And it's so funny. Every once in a while when I let her go outside with me (which isn't very often) and when she gets the urge to leave the yard (even rarer still), the timing of the cars around here is brilliant. Because she forgets that now when she goes into the backyard, she's going to see those big scary things that make big noise move, and she'll flatten on the ground, look back at me and cry, then when I'll pick her up she'll cling to my shoulder. She'll forget about being brave for while.

I'm convinced this cat is made entirely out of sunshine, cuddles, kisses and love.

OMFG I am such a moron!

2010-09-30T00:19:00.000-07:00

I couldn't remember either the email or the password of this account. And I finally get it right? IT'S MY CURRENT EMAIL! I swear I tried that before. I have 2 google accounts though and that's probably what fucked me.

Here comes a creepy doll.

Or is this the creepiest fucking thing ever made? I'm not even a Justin Bieber hater. I'm not a fan, I find his music annoying, but he seems like a pretty okay kid. It's refreshing to see a good kid out there. Jadi likes him. I believe a lot of little girls between the ages of 5 and 12 have raving crushes on him. As a thought, every girl in my elementary school from the 4th grade down had raving crushes on the New Kids on the Block. Patty still does (Donny Wahlberg) You may want to read the tags before you go further, because I don't feel like putting in a LJ cut. To continue, everyone BUT me. I fucking hated New Kids on the Block when it was really, really not cool to do so. Like I could be any MORE unpopular in elementary school. My poor parents bought me a beach towel with New Kids on the Block on it, thinking I would like it. I had to inform my sweet, misguided parents that I really did not like them, and refused to take it to school during our infrequent swimming lessons at another school. When my peers would ask which one I liked, most of the time I'd answer, "I don't." but if pressed, I'd perversely say the name of the least popular one. Jordan I think his name was? I actually still do have the towel. I can't tell you how many times I've wiped my ass with that thing if I've been out of toilet paper. I wash it, I mean, shit washes out. And the water gets really, really hot here. But yeah, that's pretty much the only thing I use it for. /New Kids rant.

Yeah, my child is refreshingly normal. A very gifted child, I believe, but normal and very well liked by all her peers. It's hard being different. Not so hard as an adult, at least for me.

Anyway, the doll is fucking creepy. If anyone has any pictures of New Kids dolls, I think I'll spork my own eyeballs out.

Holy bloody hell do I suck!

2010-02-27T19:33:00.000-08:00

Okay. I will make up for the way lack of posting on here. I've been neglecting the shit out of LJ too. I've just been way tired and there's just been so much shit. Most of it family. Bleh. My daughter is 7 years old now! Where the hell has the time gone? My niece is turning 6 on the 2nd of March. I turn 31 in less than a month. I need to email you and update you on all the crazy stuff that I will not post on here. Today, however, was a great day. Exhausting, but great.

I will, at some point, write a better post. Right now I'm exhausted. I'm just going to leave with one final thought. I fucking hate winter.

Moving sucks

2009-12-15T13:22:00.000-08:00

Even just moving around the corner. Yes, we literally moved around the corner. Not all of our little shit is out of our old place yet.

OMG I've been sick. Like going to the emergency room sick. I've been 3x since Friday morning. Once Friday morning around 7:30am after throwing up all night and having horrible pain, once at around 6pm Saturday night and then 2am Sunday morning. My poor boyfriend's birthday, may I add. I was dehydrated *every* time! It wasn't the nausea that was the problem. I can handle nausea at home. It was the pain. The ungodly, twisting, grinding and sharp pain in my upper abdominal region. Ok, so the first time I go in, Friday morning, I get a shot of Zofran (which my fucking insurance won't cover UNLESS I get it through ER treatment) and Dilaudid (and this shit is...well, let's just say it fucks your shit up.) And I hate it. There's a difference between stoned and outer space, and this shit will send you to outer space. Not the best feeling for someone like me. Hate it. But it works. The relief is so worth it. 5 minutes later and it's like, "ahhhh". Well, I go in Friday morning, get treated, get IV fluids and go home. He tells me to come back if I need to. I'm okay. And here's where I fuck up.

My best friend and her husband come down. They're down here like once in a blue moon, and so we meet at Applebees. I order a steak, and a baked potato. And I eat mozzarella sticks. Not so brilliant for someone who was puking up everything the day before. So I'm back Saturday at 6pm and the doctor, naturally, tells me about it. My best friend took me to the ER this time and I think she got a little offended. But you know what? He was just telling me what I needed to know and what I did know and I told him I knew and should've been more careful. He was treating me like a person, not like a nut. If you have never had a diagnosed chronic mental illness, unless you are unusually empathetic, you will truly not be able to understand what I'm talking about. I respect that. He could've been a prick and said, "suffer," but he was cool and he gave me the Zofran (the brilliant anti nausea medicine, phenergan sucks compared to it) and the Dilaudid.

Okay. 2 in the morning Sunday morning. I'm in again. Dehydrated. In pain. I'm taken in and hooked up to an IV right away. They have some brilliant people in the Columbus ER right now as far as hooking up IV's go. And my veins are horrible! Small, tiny and they love to move. I got the trifecta of fucked up veins. Anyway, this time they get me in and hook me up to a liter of fluids, gave me the Zofran and the Dilaudid right away. The pain is unreal. Seriously unreal. But the Dilaudid took it down to an 8 the last time they asked (10 minutes later). Then the pain started to go down. Way down. I'm halfway asleep and visiting the Andromeda galaxy when all of a sudden I go from 2,500,000 light years away to the moment of the big bang. The nurse had loaded me with what I thought was saline, but it ended up being another Zofran and ANOTHER full dose of Dilaudid. I look at the nurse and go, "Do you know when my uncle's birthday is?" and immediately felt like a tard. It was only 2 1/2 hours later. Holy shit. I was unable to walk out of the ER that night. But I went home, slept, and have been keeping down clear liquids and toast ever since.

I'm still sick. I have some kind of really fucked up stomach bug. It's not the flu, but whatever it is, the fucker is a mean ass virus. Vicious. I'm still having bouts of diarrhea, though I'm able to keep hydrated. I haven't seen my daughter since Thursday morning. But this is a vicious bug and I would not want to see her with it. Holy mother of God.

So the boyfriend's been on his own.

Another reason I've been away? I've had no internet. Fucking comcast has to bring me a USB capable modem, doesn't leave the installation disk for the hardware, go to the local office, they don't support it anymore! I have to buy a $30 USB to Ethernet adaptor. Good thing I know how to bitch, because I got $40 taken off my Comcast bill. So there. NOW I FINALLY HAS INTERNET! May the world rejoice! What an ordeal!

I'm tired of the inside of hospital rooms. Thank God I didn't have to stay...but ER's and hospitals and IV's and hospital beds and pain and sick and dizziness...over it already! Please let me feel better soon!

I'm going to see my Dr. and ask to see a urologist because I think there may be something fucked up with my kidneys or my bladder. Having this pain reoccur every few months...it's not normal. My brain gives me enough issues, my body doesn't need to crap out on me too.

Interesting, makes you think.

2009-10-12T06:40:00.000-07:00

The notion of God as the Creator is wrong, claims a top academic, who believes the Bible has been wrongly translated for thousands of years.

This may piss off the people who ardently claim, despite any kind of irrefutable logic, that the Earth is only 5,000 years old. I mean, if you have faith, why do you have to reconcile it to a timeline? Why 5,000 years? I don't recall the Bible itself actually giving a creation date.

Honestly, I find nothing earth shattering in the above claim. The Earth could have already been here, but life wasn't. Isn't God supposed to be a creator of life? Translations of an ancient document over time (The Bible)...well, a lot of the original intended meaning was probably lost. Think about it. Even if God did write it, you really think we could get it right? There are problems in translation at times even when you speak the same language as the person you're trying to understand. Hebrew was translated into Greek, Latin, a fuckload of other languages and *finally* English. And then King James had to have his own version. Then there is the whole Catholic/Protestant thing.

I just don't think we'll ever fully get it, this side of life.

Any thoughts? Feel free to say anything. I love hearing from everyone else's viewpoints.

I peed with joy

2009-09-17T23:48:00.001-07:00

It started with this and quickly sploded into an internet clusterfuck.

WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS? A new level of stupid has been attained. And now, there are T-shirts even!

But the funny really begins with this story.

Topless Robot is made of awesome!

And now I'm kind of backish.

2009-09-09T21:45:00.001-07:00

A few days ago I just got out of the hospital. AGAIN.

UTI. AGAIN.

I'm seriously getting over seeing the inside of a fucking hospital room. And I'm still not feeling great. Hence, the rant below. I'm feeling extremely weak, and am currently riding the red river with Auntie Flo.

The next idiot who crosses my path will die a death of 1,000 stomps to their stupid face.

Aaaaand if having a UTI and Aunt Flo's lovely visit isn't enough......it's looking like Homegirl Mania's here to hang out.

Oh boy.

I just hope the crash doesn't come before Sunday, damnit. I have a 6 year anniversary coming up!

In other news...I'm kind of making an experimental rant journal. Not too sure how much I'll use it. Especially since I can't code Blogger layout to save my ass. It's called BitchPuppy.

And now, finally, back to the show!

2009-08-19T06:21:00.001-07:00

Fuck, I haven't written in this thing in forever!

One of the fucked up things about staying at home all day...pretty much every day, is that I get tired of the god damned phone. I think it's because of my ex-husband. Now he's not the typical asshole stalker kind of ex. He's a great guy. He pays his child support every month. He is a loving and involved father who takes his daughter to school every day. I will always care about him as a person and as the father of my Boo. But he does tend to call a lot. A lot. I mean in upwards of 5x/day sometimes. It's like, I love ya man, but dude, that's way too fucking much! No wonder the phone rings and I'm like, "Fuck!" before I even know who's calling just because I'm tired of the phone ringing.

Boo is in first grade now. First. Grade. My baby girl, in first grade. It doesn't seem possible. I miss her so much during the day. It's quite an adjustment for her too, but I think she'll end up enjoying herself. She comes home tired.

Aunt Flo's back 5 FUCKING DAYS EARLY and she brought Crampy, Moody, and Bitchy. Hopefully Weepy will stay the fuck home. That's all I fuckin need. And hopefully I'll be done by the end of the week. Because I need sex. And I can't get it because the Red Sea flows from my vagina and my uterus feels like it wants to cave in on itself. I got a knockout cramp from my ovary this month that had me doubled over. It only lasted about 5 seconds, but wow. For the first couple of days I could've gladly heated a spoon with a lighter and scooped out my girly organs myself if I thought the pain would go away.

Going to see my 2 best friends this weekend. And there will be cheesecake! Seeing as I'm flowing, I can't get laid this week. And her cheesecake is as good as. Seriously. It's sex on a plate. I want it. Now. I don't even care what kind she makes. I just want it.

The little kitten that has been running around here has been declawed.

2009-07-15T19:38:00.000-07:00

Kitten. DECLAWED. Outside.

Next time I see his owner I'm going to punch her. Hard. Or not, but I WILL tell her what I think of her. Which is that she's a stupid and selfish bitch. I am against declawing in general. In most civilized countries, it's illegal. It's mutilation. Most people don't even know what it is. They don't simply take a cat's claws. Imagine being annoyed with your fingernails, so you amputate your finger up to the first or second knuckle. That is what thousands of people do to their cats because they are too lazy to train them to a scratcher. SORRY. That's how I feel. It took me a grand total of 2 farking days to train my cat to the scratcher. Not. That. Hard.

On top of that, this kitten is *always* outside. Because his crackhead owners can't be messed to bother with him. I fed him siome. He was very hungry. Then I felt his claws and my annoyance with his owners turned to outrage. This kitten is outside with no way to defend himself. He can't even hunt.

Poor baby. And people wonder why I think most of the human race is destined to devolve into poo flinging monkeys.

Little chipmunk friend

2009-07-08T12:16:00.001-07:00

I put out a cracker or 2 a day, anymore, because we have a little chipmunk friend. He was here last summer and this summer. I think he's a boy because I've never seen any baby chipmunks around. I think at the beginning of next month I may buy a supply of nuts and seeds for him so he can start fattening up, because I've grown to adore the little guy. I had to google it.. But this is a pretty nifty site.

I really need to get a picture of the little devil. He's so cute, and he'll go right up to the window where my cat is and just sit there and nibble his cracker. He doesn't give a *shit*. I think it's because my back porch is kind of closed off and he has several places in which to hide, so he's a cocky little thing.

I'm thinking of naming him.

Finally through the worst of it

2009-07-06T18:12:00.000-07:00

Though fuck me almighty I was SICK! Oh, and that's not EVEN the best part. I was hospitalized, this couple of weeks, a grand total of three times. Twice at Columbus, once at Franklin. Because nobody could seem to come to a general fucking consensus (even in one hospital, according to Columbus!) as to WHAT THE FUCK WAS ACTUALLY WRONG WITH ME?

Blergh. Finally got it pinned down, to what amounts, AGAIN, to a severe urinary tract infection! So I'm now on the right medicine and I'm finally keeping things down, because shit you not, I could keep nothing down. I'm following up w/my family doctor as soon as I can get in (which will be 2-3 weeks for sure, and it SUCKS but there's not one fucking thing I can do about it.) But yeah. I'm just got through a day of staying at Mom and Dad's (I stayed a night, then came home for a day, then went back for another day and had to come home today, because though I love my Mom and Dad, they drive me batshit. I HATE getting mad at Mom because I always feel so horrible about it, and Dad anymore too, I just don't want to fucking argue. I don't know how long I have with them. And yet, I stay longer than a day and I want to beat my own brains in with a blender.

So that's pretty much been my two weeks in a nutshell. No debit card because Centra sucks at relaying information to their fucking Cardholder services. I should've been referred to a different number to request a new card and they told me they could when they couldn't...it was all a bunch of shit. Long story short, with a quick escalation to the supervisor, my card is getting FedExed to me at their cost. Damn straight.

If only I could get such satisfaction with my health now, knock on wood, I'm feeling healthier than I have in almost 3 weeks. Fuck!

Biting the Big Cheese... Or; How Many Celebrities Can Kick The Bucket in a Single Week

2009-06-29T19:40:00.000-07:00

...and 3 of them are actually kind of sad. The last one I'm going to mention, which is the one EVERYONE can't stop talking about...well, the vultures can have him for all I give a fuck.

Farrah Fawcett: I think I came along *just* after her fame had fallen off, so I was never a huge fan, but I think she was a wonderful person. I did watch the special she put on, and gained a big admiration for a strong, resilient woman who just didn't put up with any bullshit. She kicked much ass and took many names. Even after going through those treatments and suffering horrible pain, she was still able and willing to hand the tabloid people their own asses. I may not have known her through her work, but I started checking her out a lot more and what I did find out about her was really nothing but admirable. You will be missed, Farrah. I actually cried a little when I found out this amazing woman had finally gone to her final home. At least there is no more pain, girlfriend. She's now with the real angels, kicking ass in heaven.

Ed McMahon: Didn't really know much about him either, but he seemed to have a lot of crap handed to him late in life. He seemed to be a pretty funny dude. Again, a useful member of the human race. But he was old. Not a real surprise.

Billy Mays: Dude, seriously? The infomercial dude! Never again will we hear this guy trying to sell us OxyClean or the Awesome Auger. I'm a little sad. Like when the movie guy...whatzisname...Don LaFontaine. (Gotta love the internet). Infomercials will never be the same. I wonder what he's pitching in heaven?

...and because I can't avoid mentioning this waste, this being "dead celebrities week"...Michael Jackson. Even if he *didn't* get his kicks touching little boys, this guy was a douche. Yeah, he could sing and dance, like 20 years ago. The last 20 years, though, what did he do besides fuck up his face, dress his children up in masks and dangle babies out of windows? And WHAT are they thinking, leaving his children with his 79 year old mother? They do know that his father is abusive, I mean duh? Isn't that why the guy was fucked up in the first place? Bloody hell. Stupid. I'm sorry. Just because the guy is dead doesn't make him any less of a douche.

So flame me. I don't give a fuck. My journal, my opinion, my business.

R.I.P. Aunt Tomi

2009-06-05T14:19:00.000-07:00

At around 5am this morning, my aunt went to her final rest. She was an accomplished artist and a vivacious personality, before 20 years ago when an inoperable brain tumor stole the life she had. With aggressive chemo and radiation, her cancer eventually went away, but the damage the tumor and the treatment did to her was irreversible. She lived 20 years, the longest living survivor of that particular type of brain cancer.

I'm not sad that she's gone, because the Tomi we all knew had gone a long time ago. She is at peace now with her maker and home where she belongs. Goodbye, Aunt Tomi. You are loved always, and remembered for the loving person you have always been.

I fucking knew something like this would happen

2009-06-04T18:47:00.000-07:00

My cousin is going back to prison.

Because his mother is a raging cunt who needs to go into a dark corner and die somewhere.

She called the police and lied to them and had him arrested. He wasn't getting his disability money fast enough for her and she was tired of taking care of him.

If I ever see that fucking gaping slutwad anywhere on the street, she may as well call the hospital in advance and book her a room because I am going to pound the everliving shit out of her. She'll wish she was dead by the time I'm done.

My poor little buddy. God, it kills me that there is nothing I can do. I'm bawling. I hate very few people, but I hate that old baseball glove looking vagina face.

I'd LIKE the fucking whorebag to read this. I'd like nothing more than for her to say a. fucking. word. to me. She's not a mother. She's never been a mother. She's ALWAYS used those kids. First to get back at my uncle after the divorce, and now she's just using him because he brings in money for her.

She's a waste of space, a completely and totally useless human being. Karma is a bitch though, and she will get hers. She will want to have a relationship with her son one of these days and if he's smart, he'll turn his back and walk away and let her live in the filth that is her life.

I would like to stab out my uterus with a dull spoon.

2009-06-02T18:18:00.000-07:00

The red tide is a week early.

A WEEK EARLY!

Along with Aunt Flo, comes the cousins Bitchy, Crampy, Moody and Weepy. Uncle Bloaty doesn't come too often, but he's here this month. Just to add to the fun.

What's the point of me even HAVING a period? After Boo was born, I got the band aid operation. I can no longer spawn. I guess since I still have a working system, my stupid uterus still thinks, "Hey, gotta prepare to have a baby once a fucking month!"

Why is it once a month? Isn't that a little overkill? So Eve told Adam to eat the damn apple. For that, we get horrible pain in childbirth (thank you, science, for epidurals!) and to bleed out our cootchy once a month and "the man shall be your lord and master". For a week at a fucking time. Adam got...toil and work all day in the fields where thorns and briars pricked him (only to come home for his wife to slave over him every night you know, the Lord and Master thing, then he gets to prick her...) What a bunghole!

And don't get me started on the snake. The snake got off pretty damn easy. He lost his limbs. I'd make a bargain with God that if he would take my period away I'd cut off my arms and legs myself.

My cramps are so fucking bad this month. My mood is worse. I'm going to steal a saying from my vegetable killing friend here and say that I wish I could stick the entire human race into a blender.

I so suck at updating the Blogger

2009-05-21T16:18:00.000-07:00

Maybe because since around the 15th of the month, I have been in the 3VIL B1TCH MOOD OF DOOM and the fact that I just *had* the red carpet out for Aunt Flo on the 7th so (OMG I HOPE) it has nothing to do with that.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Things are going GOOD right now, damnit!!

Somebody needs to rip my arm off and beat me with it, seriously.

But I have developed a rather large obsession lately with the show "Escape to Chimp Eden" on Animal Planet. Friday nights at 10pm. WATCH IT!

I've ganked this from this article on the animal planet website because seriously, I can't describe the show any better than this.

Deep in the heart of South Africa, the Jane Goodall Institute's Chimp Eden Sanctuary is a place of rebirth and renewal for more than two dozen chimps, most of whom suffered horrible lives in human captivity.

Sanctuary Director Eugene Cussons has traveled throughout Africa at great personal risk to give these chimps the chance of a meaningful and fulfilling life. For Eugene, however, the dream extends beyond the sanctuary itself. He is convinced that through intense hands-on rehabilitation, he can teach these remarkable animals the skills they need to survive in the wild.

The success of his approach is on display at every turn. Chimps who never-before climbed a tree now swing effortlessly from branch to branch, high above the ground. Chimps who once survived on table scraps and garbage now feast on wild figs, crack nutshells with rocks to get to the meat inside and pick through tall grass for the ripest shoots. Chimps who spent years alone and isolated in cramped cages now thrive in solid and stable family groups.

Every day, Eugene moves closer to his ultimate goal — returning the strongest and most skilled chimps back to the rainforest where they belong.

I love this show! It really shows the worst side of human nature, and the best side too. Plus it's so rewarding to get to see these wild animals be who they were meant to be. And I have a slight crush on Eugene Cussons.

I get crushes on the most non-traditional people to get crushes on. People like Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp and pretty much any major Hollywood personality...I don't know. I've never been one to go gaga, so to speak, over people that, to me, really seem to have the personality of a dishmop. People I notice have to have something different. Take another one. Dr. Michio Kaku.

He's a theoretical physicist, co-founder of the string field theory and does a lot of documentary TV shows on the history and science channels. His charisma and energy is amazing.

I LOVE this guy.

See what I mean?

Transforming klutz to a superpower

2009-05-09T11:08:00.000-07:00

I have come to the conclusion that walking with boxes in my arms is now beyond the limits of what I can do. First of all I had way too many boxes. I was up the stairs and made a wrong turn and slammed my head into the corner of the wall. I heard a crack, saw stars and actually cried a little, it hurt that bad.

Now I have a marble sized bump on the top/right of my forehead. And I took preliminary Excedrin to ward off a little of what will be the headache from the darkest pits of hell I'm probably going to experience later today.

I told my boyfriend I'm glad I didn't have to go to the ER. How would that look? First I "fall down the steps" a couple of weeks ago and now I"m in for "running into the wall!" You know they'd be asking me if my boyfriend was beating me. *snort* Who, this big bad sweetheart? Impossible!

I'm just one of those rare people who is the living embodiment of Murphy's Law. I have transformed klutz into a damn superpower.

Maybe that's my key to world domination.

The Vegetable Assassin...

2009-05-07T22:19:00.000-07:00

Display it with pride.

This has never happened before

2009-05-07T21:51:00.000-07:00

I believe I may like a movie, and it's novella, equally.

Apt Pupil the novella by Stephen King and Apt Pupil the film.

The important thing, I think, to remember...is that if you look it as being 2 seperate stories, that each stand up on their own merit. For instance, the movie ends WAY different than the story. I actually liked the ending of the movie...equally as well as the story. But the story is more involved, and begins when the boy is much younger. The characters in the movie and the film (other than a few minor characters like the guidance counselor and the man in the hospital bed, they edited the hell out of those characters) were recognizable as being the same characters.

Todd's character (the boy)...just cast perfectly in the movie, only as he would've been if he were older. I think the characters in the story, and in the film, were equally dark. The story character Todd was maybe a little more disturbing, considering how young he was when it started. The old man...Dussander, was another perfectly cast role.

I think the storyline in the movie is slightly weaker than the book, simply because Stephen King writes very involved characters and it's hard to translate that to film sometimes. But the ending of the movie sealed it. It's really hard to explain. You'd just have to read the novella, in the book "Different Seasons" by Stephen King. And watch the movie. Then you'd know what I mean.

There are significant differences in the plot and a lot of creative liberties taken. The ending for the story was perfect for the story and the ending for the film was perfect for the film. And I like them both.

Another unpleasant side effect of Aunt Flo's visit

2009-05-07T17:31:00.000-07:00

Warning: Lots of sex shit mentioned. If you don't like to read about sex, don't read any further. I'm not cutting it because...well, you don't need a reason. So there.

It seems every fucking month, when Aunt Flo shows up, I become uncontrollably horny. I have a high sex drive anyway, but during shark week, it's like "I wanna fuck now x 5,000".

And yet I hate period sex. I will not have period sex. Non-period sex is messy enough. Besides, the first few days of my rag time, there's a mini massacre in my pants. The red river doth flow out of my vagina. Making sex of the peen and vag kind impossible. In my universe.

Which leads me to the subject of masturbation. During the week of the red tide, I must masturbate. Because if I don't, I'll end up raping my poor boyfriend. Which, normally, he wouldn't mind, but he doesn't think much of period sex either. It's happened before, on accident, when Aunt Flo decides to show up during morning hard on time and before I get up to discover her red carpet has been laid out.

Thank God for toys that are easily cleaned off.

Thoughts on friendship

2009-05-05T07:03:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but there are relatively few people in my life, (my offline life, rather) that I consider "in my circle". Everybody has a circle. Family members you are very close to, your dearest friends who've become like family. The people that feel essential to you.

And now here's mine.

Family:
Mom - Wow. There's not enough good things in the world to say about this woman. She's beautiful, loving and always there when you need to talk. She's a great listener and truly one of my best friends. She's patient, kind, has great advice (and you will hear it whether or not you want to). And as I've gotten older, I realize that's not always a bad thing.

Dad - Both him and Mom have stuck by my side through every bad time I've ever, loved me through everything I've ever done. And have done this with all their kids. Even when they don't agree with us, (and Dad's good at not agreeing but then again, that's where I get it from), we know we are loved. Dad has always fought for me and protected me, and I've always felt loved. I will always be thankful I had this man for my primary male role model.

Mommy - I know, confusing. Mom and Dad=biological parents, but they are Mom and Dad and have earned that title. Mommy is my biological mother, who also, has earned that title. :) Her life hasn't always been...easy. She'll tell you that. She's made mistakes and will admit that to anyone too. But I've always known she loves me, and she has always been there when I've needed her. I'm so glad she's happy now with someone who treats her with respect.

Aunt Cathi - She was (and is) the quintessential awesome aunt. She was there with me when I was little, took me out places with her, we had a lot of fun. She was also fiercely protective of me, and I pretty much thought she walked on water. She's a very loyal person to her family, and I learned a lot about loyalty from her, just by watching her. I love her very much.

Boo - This is my daughter. On Blogger, which is public, she is known simply as Boo. This child is my everything. She is very smart, and the most loving little girl I have ever known. She's always wanting hugs and kisses. Which is wonderful. Because of her huge vocabulary, she'll end up saying something that sounds so grown up for a 6 year old. And sometimes she doesn't get why people laugh. She's a little girly girl, and loves being a girl. Pink, purple and yellow are her favorite colors. She's everybody's girl, all of us love her so much.

Scott - He is my boyfriend of 5 1/2 years and he is so amazing to me. He is very patient (whereas I am not). When he's upset, he gets quiet. I do not. He's got a beautiful heart, he's loving and kind. I do not believe he has ever intentionally hurt my feelings. I'm not saying he hasn't hurt my feelings, but I don't believe he's ever done it with intent to. I know he loves me. He adores my daughter, and Boo adores him. I can not think of anyone else I'd rather spend my life with.

Bette- My ex mother in law. Yes, you heard me right. If there was ever a candidate for sainthood, it would be this woman. She's literally one of the sweetest people on the planet. She's one of those people who can restore your faith in the human race. Everyone who knows her, even a little, that I've run across, says the same thing to me. Every time. "Oh, Bette, yes, such a nice lady." I love her!

Friends

Missy - Our bond was pretty much instantaneous. She yells over at me from across the lunchroom, "Hey! Come sit over here!" and I'm like o_0 because that had *never* happened to me before. We were instant friends. There was a while there in high school where either I was over at her house or she was over at mine on the weekends. Popcorn, Beavis and Butt-head marathons, various board games we'd get obsessed with, waking up to Beavis and Butt-head of a morning thanks to the innovative invention of the 8 hour VHS tape and cinnamon pancakes in the morning. She's been there through some of the worst of my mental illness, she saw her best friend hospitalized some 3-4x a year at one point. I was there the Christmas week she came home from college and her parents were splitting up. Or, she was at my house. Gotta love the peace and quiet at Mom and Dad's! And it doesn't matter how long we go without talking to each other. The moment I get on the phone with her, the same feelings are still there.

Patty - This woman is amazing. We actually did meet in high school, but she was a very different person back then. I was later to find out there was a reason for this. We remet when a mutual friend got together with the both of us. We clicked instantly, and have been soul twins ever since. We've done some wild shit back in the day. I'd spend the night at her apartment and we'd get smashed. One time, I projectile vomited all over...her, the wall, the living room carpet, the hall carpet, the bathroom floor, the *top* part of the toilet before I finally made a bullseye into where it belonged. Today, we are both mothers and need to talk to each other between every other day and every 2 days. We share almost everything with each other. She also is responsible for bringing me together with the love of my life.

I think I have a pretty small circle. And I'm content with it. These are people who've always been there for me, have never purposely hurt me, and who love me no matter what. I will always be grateful for all of them.

Saturday night out with my cousin

2009-05-04T06:45:00.000-07:00

...was pretty fun. Got to squishle some kittens that one of their many cats had before we left. They were adorable! One thing I could respect about his mom if I could like her is that she seems to like cats just about as much as I do. In fact, she's pretty much advanced along the path of the crazy cat lady. That will not sway me from my destiny, only I'll...spay and neuter my cats because I just think it's wrong not to.

My cousin chose a chinese buffet. Another thing I love (and always have) about this kid is that he will say highly inappropriate things in public and it can be pretty hilarious. We sat down, then grabbed our plates and went up to the buffet. Everything was labled but one or 2 things. I'm looking at something and I'm like, "What's this?" and he goes, "Probably cat," which I just bust out laughing. So then I grab the teriyaki chicken and he says, "Cat on a stick?" Then I say, "No, I think it smells more like dog."

Of course, we both knew we weren't eating cat or dog...that's kind of the way the kid is though. It doesn't really matter who's around either. Like the restaurant employees, for instance. Which, me being evil, made me snicker that much harder. And sometimes, instead of being embarassed, it's more fun to roll with it. My boyfriend looked like he wanted to fall into the floor and disappear into an alternate universe, but I think he had fun.

Then we had to take him back home, and hugged some more kittens before we left. I hope to make this a regular thing. Take him out every other weekend or so.

My daughter has a doctor's appointment today at 3:15 because she said she felt like going to school today. I'm just hoping something can be done to get rid of this freaking cough.

I've managed to add a shitload more songs to my playlist.

2009-04-28T18:42:00.000-07:00

IN. LOVE. with Playlist.com.

I now have a greater variety, though I have an obvious preference. I love playing music while playing Pogo or randomly surfing. It rules. And I've tried internet radio. Maybe I'm weird, but I'm not so much into it, because I don't like to listen to songs that I don't like. And a lot of times they'll play shit I can't stand.

And I rediscovered the hot deadly satanic going-to-hell just for listening to it love that is Type-O-Negative. Haven't heard them for *years*. I may listen to their newer stuff sometime, but for now I just picked my favorites from back in the day.

Why yes, the Futurama theme does kick off the beginning of my playlist. Which proves only the fact that I am a huge nerd.

Miranda Lambert's Gunpowder and Lead: A Life Lesson

2009-04-27T21:31:00.000-07:00

Crosspost from my MS blog

County road 233, under my feet
Nothin' on this white rock but little ol' me
I've got two miles till, he makes bail
And if I'm right we're headed straight for hell

I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun
Wait by the door and light a cigarette
If he wants a fight, well now he's got one
And he ain't seen me crazy yet
He slapped my face and he shook me like a rag doll
Don't that sound like a real man?
I'm gonna show him what a little girl's made of
Gunpowder and lead

Well it's half past ten, another six pack in
And I can feel the rumble like a cold black wind
He pulls in the drive, gravel flies
He don't know what's waitin' here this time

Hey I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun
Wait by the door and light a cigarette
If he wants a fight well now he's got one
And he ain't seen me crazy yet
He slapped my face and he shook me like a rag doll
Don't that sound like a real man?
I'm gonna show him what a little girl's made of
Gunpowder and lead

His fist is big but my gun's bigger
He'll find out when I pull the trigger

I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun
Wait by the door and light a cigarette
If he wants a fight well now he's got one
And he ain't seen me crazy yet
He slapped my face and he shook me like a rag doll
Don't that sound like a real man?
I'm gonna show him what a little girl's made of
Gunpowder and,
Gunpowder and lead

Gunpowder and lead, yeah

Hey!

-------

Seriously? I believe every woman who's ever been abused by some douchey little wannabe punk ass motherfucker should take this song to heart. I wonder how many abusers have been shot in the face after this song was written?

The world is a better place without them. Sorry, that's how I feel. You raise your hand, you got it coming. Any man, hell, any PERSON ever raise their hand to hit me...well, they'd be lucky if I JUST shot them.

I'll tell you this much. I could be the nastiest, rankest woman, weighing 600 pounds, ugly as all hell even...and I would never, EVER, let a man raise his hand to me. I think I'd send said scumbag, spineless asshole to the hospital minus a few parts. And I promise...they'd be things that person would miss. Gotta love the Kill Bill movies. Also another amazing inspiration for angry women everywhere.

I still think it has to do with self esteem. There is no way one can value themselves as a human being, and allow people to treat them worse than they would a dog. I think that's why I have never attracted guys who are abusive. I am not the worlds most attractive woman, but I have always attracted guys who are at the very least, respectful to me, and would never raise a hand to me. Of course, reading the above, you can also guess why. You're looking at the woman who stood between one of her best friends and a drunk husband and got hit in the face TWICE without moving. Then I punched him back and shoved his ass out of the room. That shit don't fly with me.

I'm not afraid to get hit. But it would only happen one time. Then you'd better prepare to lose your two best friends. The ones in your pants.

We all know who I'm talking about here. But since this is a public blog entry, I'm not going to give his name. He's linked in a Friends Only entry a while back about a billion and one times though on my MySpace blog. Wannabe punk thumbsucking douche. Thinks he's a gangsta. Ha! If he ever met a real gangsta, he'd run home to his mommy with a load in his pants. The brown squishy kind. Speaking of his mother and loads, I wish she had swallowed that one.

If you REALLY want to know who I'm talking about, add me on MySpace, and go back a few blog entries. http://www.myspace.com/tiger_pixie

I am in love with Blogger Dashboard

2009-04-26T19:12:00.000-07:00

...because I am totally following this guy on it.

If I didn't already have a wonderful boyfriend...who would totally be hurt, I would fuck his brains out. I don't know why either, I mean, he's not normally the type I go for. Actually, I'm normally more sexually attracted to women. I have a list of women I'd like to do the beast with 2 backs with. A huge list. Men, on the other hand...well the list isn't that big. Congratulations, buddy.

I'm pretty sure I'd have to double wrap him though. Condom wise. Because he's boinked a lot of ladies. A lot. Makes you think...

Yeah. I'd do him.

I hurted myself on Wednesday.

2009-04-25T11:52:00.000-07:00

Hence my conspicuous absence over the past few days. Wednesday morning, like a retard, I go down the steps and I don't turn on the light. Well, I count down. There are 14 steps down. At step 10, I trip over my own feet, I slam my back into the railing, and land hard on my shoulder. 15 minutes later my back and shoulder are in a world of angry flaming pain. I have to have Robert take me to the ER after he takes my daughter to school. They did x-rays...everything was fine, but I had inflammation of the shoulder and back area. They gave me Lortab...and that shit is genius. Absolute heaven in a pill. I still gave about half of them to Mommy though because 1) I know I'm not going to need 12 of them and 2) I hate having anything potentially habit forming in the house. I've had bad experiences coming off of a habit forming medication (and no, I wasn't abusing it.) So yeah.

So I spent Wed-Fri in incredible pain (and was silently thanking God that this was Bette and Robert's weekend to keep Boo because I felt like the pits of hell. I'm feeling much better today.

And now, I love you all, but fuck you. I'm going to play TS2.

Can somebody tell me

2009-04-25T11:07:00.000-07:00

...what the bloody hell is wrong with my laptop screen? Is this going to get worse? I'm calling Dell Support in the meantime, probably on Monday unless they are open today. (Ha!)

...and apparently I can't screencap the thing. It's a little red line running all the way down my screen.

On the upside, The Sims 2 runs amazing on my computer, even though I don't exactly have the right processor to run it. *cue twilight zone music*. Running 2 expansion packs right now, University and Pets...and I'm slightly afraid to install Seasons. Even though I own it. I am not complaining though. :)

But if I can, I'm going to find out wtf is up with this red line.

My friend Patty and I agree

2009-04-19T18:05:00.000-07:00

I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy.

Farts are hilarious. So are burps.

So when my boyfriend stopped up the toilet today after taking a massive shit, I was rolling on the floor.

But there is a limit.

My darling boyfriend ate some salsa tonight and has been having rank salsa burps all night long.

By the way, the tags should've been a clue.

Love ya!

I have to pimp this...

2009-04-19T18:01:00.000-07:00

Massive shitload of weird icons posted by evilgrins. Here and here. Some of them are probably NOT work/kid safe.

And some are real flashy. I have at least one person with epilepsy on my list who may not want to click the 2 above. I think the one below is safe but you may want to have someone check it out to be sure.

They are a HUGE collection, so may not be dial up safe. I am SO glad I have cable internet.

Now I'm pimping them mainly because I had to make a comment on this *one*. I'm going to warn you, that it is extremely sexually graphic.

I shit you not. Extremely.

Right here, if you click the link, is a link to a icon of someone masturbating and ejaculating on a Barbie doll.

For some reason I found that very, very disturbing...but I couldn't look away for like, a minute or so. It was oddly hypnotizing...but disturbing. Still, most of them are interesting. And I like weird shit. Just...maybe not so much with the Barbie doll thing.

Live Journal Writers Block Question

2009-04-17T22:50:00.000-07:00

Who has it easier—men or women? Why or why not?
Submitted By rona_emo

As you all know, I am female. I'm just speaking to the start of a relationship here. Nothing else. In that regards, I believe that women have it a HELL of a lot easier. At least I have. I've never had to be the person to ask a guy out. When I was 18-20, I was on a medication called Zyprexa. If you want to know what it does, there's a nifty little search engine called Google. Use it. And yes, that *is* what I was on it for. :) One of the nasty little side effects of that medication was bloating and severe weight gain. I ballooned to an incredible (for my 5'3" frame) 220lbs and wearing size 22 pants before I was taken off of it at the end of my 20th year. I lost 110lbs in a little under a year. *Just* from going off that medication.

Even at that size, I was still getting approached for dates and relationships. And the guys I did date were reasonably good guys. Marty was commitment phobic. Not that I wanted a commitment. He was a good guy, and we parted on good, but permanent terms. I had one FWB. If memory serves me correctly, his name was Scotty? LOL. It was a decent experience. Not great (but then again, I can't compare ANYONE before my Scott *to* Scott because they all sucked compared to --yeah, I'll leave it at that.) I think I was really only doing it with him (the FWB, not Scott lol) to up my experience level. I know that sounds horrible, but you just had to understand the way it worked with us. We both were just out for sex. I didn't want a relationship at the time. I don't remember how it ended, I think it was just one of those things where you lose touch with someone? Meh, not important.

I didn't date seriously until I was 21 with Robert, and then Scott. Scott's and my relationship started out a little different in that I knew a little about him from what Patty told me. I did call him first, but I didn't ask him out first. He asked me out, and I told him to just come over and I'd make something. And if you've known me for a long time, you'll know how *that* night ended up. :)

But I have massively digressed. The point is, in relationships, women almost *always* have the upper hand. There may be exceptions. I'm not saying everyone's experience is the same. I have just never had an experience where I've had to actively seek a relationship. And let's face it. That's hard to do. At least it would be to me. I've never been the type of person to actively seek out even friendships, much less relationships. Most of the time, IRL, people come to me.

Men are expected to be active pursuers. At clubs they are expected to approach the women. And the guy who may be just a little awkward, or nervous, you see those poor guys get shot down all the time. In my experience, it's those guys who normally always make the most devoted and loving partners. He's the guy that hates dancing but who will dance with you anyway, even though you both look like a couple of ducks waddling together on the dance floor. (Who said I can't dance?) Seriously, though. I can't. But I love to try.

When the hell did one question turn into long ass stroll down memory lane? Well at least I've enjoyed the trip.

Stuff To Do

2009-04-16T08:56:00.000-07:00

1) Pick up the living room
2) Take a shower
3) Do hair/makeup
4) Get dressed in sexy (for me) new shirt and skirt
5) Go out to Johnny Carinos with boyfriend tonight.

Thought I'd start doing this, and ya gotta love the tag name.

White Horse by Taylor Swift

2009-04-16T08:22:00.001-07:00

Yet another Taylor Swift video. I know, a lot of people really don't like Taylor Swift. Including my dear boyfriend. But he does like this song. I think she's awesome now, but I think she's really going to be something else once she matures a little bit and gets more of an adult perspective. I love the fact that she writes her own songs. And they're well written songs. Some of them are a bit on the naive side, but they're unique. She has a talent that will serve her well in years to come.

Sweet!

2009-04-14T18:19:00.000-07:00

http://scr.im/pixielust

p...@c...t.net

I actually got something useful out of a Twitter Post! Did the world end? But yeah, woofiegrrl, you're a genius.

I'm starting to realize, more and more as I get older, that I am a huge nerd.

Case in point? I've been watching the Futurama TV episodes lately, and the DVD commentary is so interesting. I like the ones with Ken Keeler, Billy West, and John DiMaggio the most. Especially when Billy or John will let rip with Fry, or the Professor, or Bender. And also all the inside stuff that sometimes passes too fast to see that they'll call attention to and I'll be able to pause and check it out.

I've also been watching the Beavis and Butthead movie with commentary and have come to another startling realization. Mike Judge is a bit of a douchebag (but a funny one) and I have a huge girl crush on Yvette Kaplan. Not in the "I'd do her" way, but more along the lines of someone you could just reach out and hug to death. She's adorable. She's the only person in a commentary that I have ever listened to that I felt that, if I met her, we could be instant friends. Not like it'll ever happen, but still.

Holy poop on a stick

2009-04-09T18:28:00.000-07:00

SO many bad, bad words came to my mind immediately upon viewing this travesty of outright bullshit. I wanted to voice my thoughts and opinions in an articulated, well-thought out form. Unlike the makers of this video.

But coherent thoughts are not possible after viewing this garbage. Not when the only thoughts in your head are "HOW? HOW? HOW?"

That's literally all I could think. HOW are "they" infringing on my rights? HOW are :"they" affecting my ability to raise my child? (At least she will have compassion and love if she had anything...yes, ANYTHING, to tell me) HOW did this rectal waste find it's way into my brain?

Congratulations, NOFM. You have succeeded in eradicating my ability to want to think for myself anymore. I may now become another right wing crazy Christian holding pictures of dead babies while picketing abortion clinics while my own child has the same mind numbing brain killing bullshit crammed down her throat by a charismatic preacher named Timothy Miracle who eventually becomes a cult leader and we all die a horrible death while stockpiling arms because JESUS IS COMING!

Ok...no. Just no.

I posted all of the above in 2 comments on YouTube.

And now, that I'm feeling so good, my poor Boo is sick.

2009-04-09T12:51:00.000-07:00

But...poor Boo, I believe, has an ear infection. It's been awhile since she's had one...but luckily I got her a Dr's appointment today w/Dr. Mernitz...if she isn't called to deliver a baby or something. She's on call. I hate to say this, but I hope no babies are born right this minute. Worse comes to worse we'll take her in tommorrow at walk-in early in the morning. But I guess she came home from school, Bette said (it's their weekend and they normally keep her Thurs-Sat or Sun on their weekends) that she was crying because her ear hurt so bad. And that's never a good sign for her.

I don't think she has anything contagious, so Bette and I agreed that she could stay over there. Because with her cousins over there, she's NOT going to want to come home. Unless it turns out she is contagious, but honestly, I would've gotten something, Scott may have, I KNOW Mom and Dad would've come down with something if Boo had anything communicable. And of course, if she decides she does want her mommy, she can come home anytime. She knows this too. And it happens more when she's sick. But she's really missed her cousins, and especially loves Corinna...and Grandma is always fun. Unless she's really hurting and sick, she'll want to stay with Grandma and the kids. I'm okay either way. The great thing about my family, and Robert's family and Scott's family, even, is that this child is very well loved by everyone. She is a very loving and sweet little girl. She's really my pride and joy.

I'm out of here. Have to call the doctor's office at 3 to make sure Dr. Mernitz is still in.

Edit: Boo's back at home and we ended up taking her to PromptMed. The pain was too much. Boo was screaming and crying so they gave her some ear numbing stuff. She has an ear infection and was prescribed zythromyacin. It's a very strong antibiotic so hopefully it'll help.

Woo Hoo!

2009-04-09T12:49:00.000-07:00

Aunt Flo came today. I think she had a fight with her daughters last night telepathically or something because I started feeling MUCH better since about 10:00pm on. Moody, Bitchy, Weepy AND Crampy left in a huff It was like a huge weight was suddenly lifted off my chest and I could breathe again. T'was a glorious feeling!

And she was considerate enough to wait until about 9:30 this morning to slowly announce her appearance. It really was quite graceful. And as a favor to you, that fanciful description will be the only description that exists.

I'm so happy I want to just go do something tonight or tommorrow night with my boyfriend! We both deserve it.

I absolutely love this guy

2009-04-08T11:33:00.001-07:00

I don't care how many times I watch this shit, it never fails to crack me up. Jeff Dunham is a genius.

Find the relevance and win the internet! :) I own both his DVD's and may end up buying his Christmas special sometime.

Another whiny, emo, never ending PMS related entry.

2009-04-07T15:17:00.000-07:00

Feel absolutely free to skip. And let me start out by saying that I'll be fine. I've called the nurse at Centerstone (used to be Quinco and have been my mental health providers for years) and hopefully she'll get back to me. I have some questions and want some answers and I'm sure I'll get them. I trust this office. They've always been great.

If I don't stop crying, I may have to declare myself legally insane. This is the PMS girl talk for the guys out there who want to skip, or read, or whatever. Because I'm posting it for the world to see! MWAHAHAHAHAH!

OH MY GOD. The mood from hell. So for those of you who know, and those who don't...I've had a wacked out period for the past 3 1/2 months. So now that my body has decided to be more normal, my Aunt Flo's Daughters, Bitchy, Weepy and Moody. Crampy is nowhere in sight, the bitch...but the other three are sure as hell making up for her absence! Especially Weepy.

I have been crying lately...over literally nothing. I made the mistake of watching Marley and Me the other night and I bawled for the last 20-25 minutes of the movie. Which, duh, probably would've on a good day. Sad, sad, ending...sweet, but sad. Yeah, that's all I'll say about that. But other times...I just cry. NOTHING sets it off. I can think of no trigger, just a huge emotional pain grips my chest and I just can't stop myself from crying. I HATE IT. I don't mind crying when there's a reason, but ugh, to cry for no reason that I can even think of just SUCKS.

Moody's presence has been just as strong. She's been throwing me some out there curveballs. Like jealousy. What. The. Fuck! Yeah, nothx, k...I am NOT a jealous person. I hate jealousy in all it's forms. It implies a lack of trust, which I DO NOT HAVE. Needless to say it's ridiculous, I KNOW it's ridiculous, but no....that doesn't matter to Moody. If I didn't trust in the strength of my relationship, I wouldn't be in it. And of course, does that matter to Moody? Of course not.

Bitchy has been my poor boyfriend's nemesis over the last week. Though I've had to kick her ass and stifle her...because I know she's taking cues from Moody and THAT is not going to work.

I'm actually looking forward to Crampy's arrival because Aunt Flo won't be that far behind. She'll be welcomed with as a guest of honor this month! I'll be that happy to see her. I have NEVER said that before. EVER.

Okay...getting some of that out has been cathartic. Hopefully the nurse will call sometime today or tommorrow. I'll distract myself. I need cupcakes. Strawberry cupcakes. I will make it so.

I went from watching...well let the embeds speak from themselves.

2009-04-04T21:05:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: Reading may cause brain implosion. Proceed with caution.

My luck with embedding is horrible. You can tell it more under my embed tag on Live Journal because everything I choose to share in my journal gets yoinked by The Powers that Be in favor of so called dingleberry copyright laws. I trust google video more than say...megavideo and YouTube. I don't know...but hopefully they keep.

100 Greatest Discoveries in Astronomy...brilliant show if you can get past Bill Nye. There's a lot of interesting people he is able to interview and discuss this stuff with. It's really very fascinating to me. All of it.

I went, anyway, from watching that, to watching this.

That's right. Penn and Teller's Bullsh!t. I actually like them a lot. I like the show they did before this one a lot better than this one...it was a show back in maybe the early part of this decade? I don't know...but sometimes this show is cathartic to watch also.

And now to end my rambling, watch my show so I can go to bed. Good night!

Icons: If you can't find them, make your own!

2009-04-04T21:01:00.000-07:00

and Totally up for grabs. Steal, credit or no...I really don't care. In fact, if you want to steal them, and make them animated in a cool yet not too glittery way...maybe a small glowing/twinkling way...I would adore it if you would let me have them and I would totally credit you! I has no animating software anymore. I may redownload it...I don't know.

This has been my bliss lately. This show. It's called The Universe on History Channel...I love this show. Some of the things, especially the Hubble images, are just so breathtaking in scope and...I'm just fascinated by what new things astronomers are discovering and hypothesizing over every year. I'm loving the new theories and ideas that astrophysicists are coming out with.

So for those of you who know, and those who don't...I've been going through a bit of moody hellishness lately. I'm feeling a little more grounded now. I just really wanna find out what's been going on. The pharmacist today, when I went to ask him about Midol...if it would help the moods just a little...of course he said not to expect a miracle, and I'm like, "No, sir...I'm not. Just a little relief." Maybe it's psychosomatic, maybe it's not...but I feel a little more on level ground tonight. Thank God!

Anyway, going to watch more Universe on STC and just bliss out for awhile. *hugs* to everyone and bear with me.

By the way, Queen Veggie Eradicator. If you ever drop by LJ land, check my COC. *evil grin*

A friend of mine posted this on LJ

2009-03-28T09:16:00.000-07:00

...I IMMEDIATELY thought of you, girl!

OMG I hope I hope I hope!!!

2009-03-27T07:33:00.000-07:00

Well I finally own the fourth Futurama movie. I made a journal a few months back. I'm thinking of starting it soon. God knows when/if I'll find the motivation to start the project, but I'm thinking more and more on it. It's called FuturamaFanatic. I'm going to watch and review all 4 seasons, including the movies (which count as season 5 I think)...and hope and pray they come out with a 6th season.

Out of all the movies, the first (Bender's Big Score) was probably my favorite, probably because I, along with every other diehard Futurama fan out there, was DYING to see/own it. The second movie (Beast with a Billion Backs)...was disappointing, but still, Futurama crap is still pretty decent. I loved Bender's Game (hated the ending though) and though I loved Into the Wild Green Yonder, I kind of thought the ending there was a bit of a gyp too. It felt rushed.

I may have to make my own layout for my Futurama journal because I don't think it should look generic. I don't know. I suck at layout making so we'll see. I'm also thinking of making one for Blogger and xposting if I can get the same name.

Speaking of TV shows I LOVE, I miss Meerkat Manor. Will Animal Planet ever air it again? I LOVE Meerkat Manor! If not, I may have to buy the seasons. I've watched every episode.

I also really like the show Escape to Chimp Eden. I'd like to see this show come back also.

I don't know why, but I can't seem to get as into Orangutan Island or Dark Days in Monkey City. Not that I haven't tried, but I'm just not that into it. I'm a damn weirdo.

Tweets, twits or twats

2009-03-24T15:07:00.000-07:00

A Twitter rant.

No offense to those who use/like it...but it has to be said. I FUCKING HATE TWITTER! Hate it with an all consuming, burning, flaming pile of hot, hot hate. I seriously think that the world is conspiring to kill all thought. 99.999% of Twitter posts are extremely pointless crap that no one cares to read. 99.1% of Tweets or Twats or whatever the hell it's called even the people who posts them don't care to read. What is the point? Because I don't give a rats ass, really. I don't even like to know what I do every few minutes of the goddamn day. Whoever came up with this needs to have their intestines ripped out of their bunghole, slit with razor blades, covered in salt and shoved right back up there.

I say we start Twatter.com. This site will only be used to inform our friends of our shits and nothing else. No “I am drinking coffee at McDonalds” or "My dog just did the cutest thing!" twatters, but rather “Hey, just took a really big dump. It's sticking out of the water” or "Twas awful squishy today. Maybe I shouldn't have had those beans."

It would be more interesting than the vast majortity of crap posted on Twitter. If I offended you, well, honestly can't say I give a shit. I'm allowed to bitch about it on my journal, and you're allowed to post em on yours.

Well, ended up quitting.

2009-03-23T09:29:00.000-07:00

(Written March 22, 2009, ganked from my LJ)

Billie told me yesterday that my scheduled time was 2-10. She said, "I have the schedule right in front of me."

Well, my manager calls around noon and tells Scott that I'm supposed to be in at 11. 11-7. So basically, she deliberately lied to me. I walked in to work today, and I asked Mike if I was in danger of being fired. He said, "No, but I am going to write you up."

I thought about it all of 2 seconds before I said, "You know, I'll just save you the trouble. I quit. Goodbye." And I caught Scott before he was able to leave me behind. Why should I be wrote up when the market manager who had the schedule in front of her told me the wrong time on purpose, probably intending that I get wrote up!

If I'm working for someone that petty and immature, I seriously don't have to put up with it. I don't have to work. I have a chronic mental illness. I am on disability. I work part time sometimes to make a little extra money and to help out the company I'm working for. I am a loyal and trustworthy and hardworking person. I will not work for a company that hires people that deliberately lie to their employees to get them in trouble. I don't think she thought I'd quit, well she had another thing coming. You can't fire someone if they quit.

Good luck finding someone as good at the job as I was, willing to work all weekends. I prefer weekend work because most of the time I don't have my daughter on weekends. So really, its their loss, not mine.

I came within 2 inches of quitting my job tonight

2009-03-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

(Written March 21, 2009, ganked from my LJ)

I made an arrangement with my manager and another coworker that I would not work tonight, I would work on Sunday because they had me scheduled me too many hours. Well Billie, the marketing manager, called me tonight, *twenty minutes* after my supposed scheduled shift and said, "You're scheduled to work today,". I called her back and told her that I had made an arrangement with Mike (my manager) and another coworker, blah blah blah.

She started yelling at me. Told me if I didn't make it in tonight, I was fired. We got into a huge argument, I told her I couldn't because I had no one to watch my daughter (it was a lie, but it's the principal of the thing, and her tone was pissing me off and besides, I had done the right thing! She told me it was my responsibility to check my schedule. I told her I DID, that's why I made that arrangement and I would try (another lie) but I did not think I could make it in. She threatened to fire me tonight, because I was "calling in". I then informed her I'm NOT calling in, I thought the arrangement was a go so technically, NO, I'm not calling in.

The phone conversation ended with me bawling (I was crying, I was that pissed off.) About two seconds before I was going to pick up the phone to call her back and tell her I quit, she called me back, said "she thought about what I said" and ended up Donna was coming in to work for me but I had to come work for her tommorrow. I told her "that's what I was going to do *anyway*". She apologized, but I told her "thank you, but right now I'm not ready to accept it." And I'm not. I DO NOT appreciate being yelled at and threatened by someone who is supposed to be a professional.

So I'm calling in on Monday, my birthday, and I'm talking to HER boss to register a formal complaint. You can do it anonymously, but I'm NOT going to do it that way. I'm giving my name, and telling whoever it is that I WANT her to know it's me registering the complaint and also for her to feel free to talk to me about it if she feels she can be an adult and we will work it out like adults. I'm also letting her boss know that I'm going to him/her because at this time, I don't feel safe talking to her about it. Plus she deserves it. If anyone EVER talks to me the way she did today, I will quit on the spot. I'm also letting her boss know that I do have a chronic mental illness, furthermore Billie KNOWS I have a chronic mental illness and you do not yell at and threaten someone who is in a precarious mental state, especially if you have full knowledge of that fact.

I may just be a peon, and she may think she's big shit because she's the new marketing manager, but I am still a human being and I would NEVER talk to anyone the way she talked to me today. She needs to learn that just because she's a big cheese, she still needs to show decorum and respect for the people under her. If that's the type of person I'm going to have to work for, I'm not too sure I will be working there much longer.

Intro post

2009-03-23T09:18:00.000-07:00

I'm on here mainly because of my friend who hopped over here from LJ. So really, I've never had a regular blogger journal before...but I may try and keep this one up and active. Blah blah blah, more intro stuff.

Hi. My name is Jami. Today is my 30th birthday. I have a boyfriend, Scott, whom I've been with for over 51/2 years. We live together with my 6 year old daughter. I consider myself a gnostic Christian, and am very interested in Novus Spiritus.

My main hobbies are I like to write poetry, I love to play The Sims 2, playing with my daughter, and spending quality time with friends and family. I am currently on disability for a chronic mental illness and if you have an issue with that you STFU and go away please.

I do comment some...but I don't always comment if I don't have something to say. I do always read. There are times when I update 10 times a day, and sometimes once every couple of days. At times, I feel very antisocial. Every thought I have typically goes into my journals. I am brash, unapologetic and offensive. In my journal. I always show my friends, and their journals, the same respect I expect in mine. However, if you make me think too much, I will write about it in my journal. If I agree, typically I'll link or mention you by name. If I do not, I'll do you the courtesy of not linking you, but I WILL talk about it. I have friends of all sorts, liberals and conservatives, Christians and pagans. Pro life and pro choice. I am capable of showing respect for every viewpoint, even if I disagree with it.

I am borderline obsessed with the TV show Futurama. I have all 4 box sets AND Bender's Big Score, Beast with a Billion Backs and Bender's Game. I'm going to be buying Into the Wild Green Yonder soon and will probably buy anything else that comes out.

The only things I will not tolerate in a friend is homophobia, racism, and pedophilia or those who knowingly live with/have their children near pedophiles. Every one of those kind of people make me want to puke. I'd sad I even have to add that last part. Yes, I have met 2 woman, one online and one offline who did exactly that. Having been a victim of sexual abuse, I think any woman who knowingly puts their child at risk of it needs to have razor blades dipped in salt and shoved up her ass.

So yeah. That's me in a nutshell.